A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

Oops - too late to edit - HE initiated a hug before work. I was going to say "I got" a hug, but changed my mind and forgot to change the pronoun.

[Dia]

What are you doing in the visual "here kitty kitty" department?

Before he comes home each night, I refresh my hair and makeup, fresh perfume, lipgloss, change clothes to something pretty, do a bit of spot-tidying around the house and about half the time, there's something savory-smelling in the oven for supper.

He *does* notice. I get comments/compliments all the time that my hair is pretty, I smell good, he likes my shoes, he likes my dress, "oooh, what's for supper?", etc.

[dday101798]

Hi Dia, just passsing by. You're sitruation sound like it is moving along rather well. I'm so happy that your family is still intact and it seems apparent that you and H have learned from your past indifferences, keep it up!

[Dia]

Hi, Dday,

My family is *newly* intact. We were separated for 2 years. And possibly I should be putting quotes around 'intact', but, yeah, we're acting-as-if in the intact department right now. <grin>

Lots of things are different on his side, and on mine. The thing that remains to be seen is whether or not he can take the risk of being vulnerable enough to love me openly and with committment again.

Me, I've already taken the risk, am taking it and will continue to take it for the foreseeable future.

[Kettricken]

Depending on (a) contraindications from your history that I know nothing about and (b) what level of hoochie you're already doing .... it might be time to graaaaaadddddddually start upping the ante. Unbutton another button. What do you know about his "weak spots" re: female clothing/body parts? Use it. For instance .... I get uniformly good "Here Wolf Wolf" results across the board when I wear overtly feminine clothing, ie little flirty skirts, sundresses, etc. YMMV. What do you know?

[Dia]

He really likes the 'bohemian hippie chick' look. Gauzy skirts, bracelets, bare feet, loose hair, perfume and in particular, it turns him on when I wear little bells - belled ankle bracelets, a jingly belly-dancer style hip chain, etc.

Here's the rub - he is actively fighting *against* acting on his very obvious physical reaction to me because he is trying to be loyal to OW (hence my Molotov cocktail feelings yesterday).

This is also why he is being hardline about not letting me sleep in the master bed. He was all soft and gooey when we woke up together, including non-verbal "I love yous", and during the night he apparently had a very hard time when my nightgown rode up and exposed a long length of leg and hip to the moonlight.

Edit: Maybe I will do some shopping in the near future.

[Kettricken]

Keep the *subtle*, non-verbal, lusciously-available-but-not-overtly-demanding-or-pursuing, lighthearted pressure on. Let him fight himself. A bird in the hand .....

... although I would give him SOME space to miss your presence, too. Maybe an isolated evening of coming home to a (metaphorically) cold, quiet house when you have plausible business elsewhere? if you're not doing that already.

Part of me hates this advice as being manipulative ....

[Dia]

Yes, now that I have a bit of money to play with, I am going to go out on his game/movie nights. Part of the reason is exactly as you have said, and part is that I don't want it to be taken for granted that he can go out whenever he pleases and I will just automatically be the babysitter. I get to have a life, too.

And the point of doing it when I know he has stuff scheduled is so he can't use the no-Dia time to chat up OW.

[mindfull]

Kett and Dia:

Just so you know... I'm learning something here! LOL

Manipulative? Nahhhh Strategic? Yep!

Bells, huh? Dia take me shopping! I think the H may just dig that!

[Dia]

Hiya, MF!!

Hie thee unto the kind of store that caters to Ren Faire types. Therein you will find Celtic music, oils of sandalwood and patchouli, exotic bracelets where a slender chain attaches to rings on your fingers and bells a-plenty. I am sure google will help as well.

I can post links if you like.