Congrats on finding a place to live!! I'm still hunting, but luckily I don't have to be in any hurry. I can stay where I am until next summer if I want.
I left Texas on July 14, six weeks ago. I have not seen D13 since. She arrived in NY last night late w/ her F, and they spent the night at her GM's. I get to see her tonight after work...I am so excited!!!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
That's great! Sounds like a good reason to have a nice dinner out at one of the thousands of great little NYC restaurants. Is she there for a visit or permanently?
No she is here permanently. I don't actually live in NYC, but a suburb of Rochester. Still, the celebration will be Saturday. She stayed with her dad for the summer while I was getting set up. It also helps that her fathers family is all here, although they are not much to speak of
We move into our new apartment on Saturday, and I am so excited. I won't have furniture yet, lol, but a television and air mattress for a few days. But it will be nice to just have my own space again. It seems like forever since I have been able to have my own place (almost five months), and I am just looking forward to peace.
Next comes the task of registering her for school, transferring my car registration which is going to require stbx to sign an affidavit allowing me to do so. I really hope that goes smoother than everything else. Because of that and the fact that he is filing the divorce, I guess I have to send him my address. Crap. I kind of like the thought of him not knowing where I am, however, I don't suspect he will drive across the country for a visit, so that's okay.
Frankly, I am ready for this to be finished. Not one way or the other, but just done. I don't want to be married to him anymore. I don't feel married to him anymore. Now, I just want to live quietly.
I am also thinking about dropping my Master's program. I think I just need a good long break from anything other than my daughter and work.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Ah yes...bliss is holding your daughter in your arms. I am now complete.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
When stbx left me, I thought I would never breath again. I needed him, how could this person leave me? Didn't he need me? He was like a extension of me, and I of him. The fire in my chest was there in the morning when I woke, and in the evening when I attempted to sleep. During the day, he was all I thought about. He had called me his sole mate. How could he do this? What was I supposed to do? Who was I, if not his wife?
Slowly the time went by, and there were times when I really thought we would pull through this. There were some small steps, and then all of a sudden he would pull away again, and it was exhausting.
But I still felt like I needed him.
Finally, I got tired, tired of the games, tired of the unspoken promises, tired of trying to read into every word, every action, every look. Tired of making excuses for his behavior. I decided that I'd had enough. I didn't need him anymore.
Since then, I have dealt with the death of my brother, a move across the country, found a jog, an apartment, and managed to get everything changed over, into my name, all utilities, all leases, everything I thought I would need him for.
I realized I really didn't need him.
So for all of you who are just beginning to go through this awfulness, I pray your marriages survive, but if they don't, you can get through this, without needed that other person.
I have faith...in God...in myself...in my children. I thought I had met the love of my life, but I wonder...does God have different plans for me? Maybe I haven't...but I do know this. If I do meet someone, I won't need him. I may want him, but I won't ever have to worry about needing someone to feel complete again.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Hi Lola, Your last post expresses something I have been thinking about recently. When I met my bf, I was crushed from my stbxh affair and our impending d. Then I survived a car accident that took 5 months of recovery. My bf became my lifeline. He solved every problem from my brokenheart to my broken bones. I thought of him as my knight in shining armor who rode up on a white horse to save me. I relied on his advice, I "needed" him to fix every thing wrong. Well, I've discovered my former self reliance. I realized I am fully competent to resolve my own problems. The dead car battery, being locked out of my apartment, a dead rat in the toilet, etc........ All these things I would have relied on him to fix. But I found out I can actually manage my life quite alright without him. I never needed him after all. So important to recognize and I hope your message will be meaningfull to people embarking on this terrible journy. You should post it in newbies section. Interesting that we reached this realization simultaneously. Of course, I'm now wondering if my over-reliance on Mark put too much pressure on him. He seemed to enjoy filling the role I made for him, but maybe it got to be too much. Over time I may have looked weak, unable to decide things without his advice. I relied on his good judgement far too much. I am a competent grown woman who's been through a lot. I am totally capable on my own. I need no man.
Huh...I never thought of that. I have never posted on the newcombers at all. Maybe I should.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
My furniture is in! I don't have to sleep on an air mattress anymore, I actually get to sleep on a bed!!!!!!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
