My W is very cold and shut off now, too. She continues listening to all the country music, including the "I'll love you forever" ones. So far our boys don't know what is going on. They are only 6 and 4. I wonder what her reaction to their reaction would be if we did physically split. My 4 year old is very clingy right now, especially to me. When I am home alone with them, he will follow me into any room I go, even if he was sitting watching TV. He will get up and follow me if he sees me leaving the room. When we are all together, he gravitates more to me than her. It might have something to do with her promising to play with them, and then telling them that she can't, she got busy. She isn't a bad mother, but I think there are times when she can't really handle them. I've seen her go from laughing an playing with them to yelling and leaving the room in an instant over something relatively trivial.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
My W had a big revelation Saturday. I thought it was progress and we'd start working on making things better. As part of that, she mentioned how unhappy she'd been and how she's noticed that she hasn't been a good mother lately.
This is probably part of what pushed the ball of the cliff recently. She was able to tell herself that since she is unhappy here, she needs to get away. She'll be happier and it will be better for our son.
I am sure that she will be happier for an exciting short while. I can only hope that after that she will see that she left a man that "only a fool would leave."
I think that the WAS's are just so damn unhappy in general. My W has found a way to focus all of her unhappiness on me. See freaking LOVES everyone else! She will have to face her unhappiness herself once she is out on her own. She won't have me to blame it on anymore.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
My W seems to be going overboard with friendliness to people she hardly gave much attention to before! She is laughing on the phone, talking to neighbors during evening walks, etc. Only seems depressed when I am around.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Oh, and I have seen my spiritual director and we have talked about God's path for me. I am not ready to accept it may lead me away from W, so in effect right now I am fighting God. I am not putting my trust in Him that He will do what is best for me. Good for you if you can really accept that. Pray for me that I will also one day soon.
For what it's worth, let me chime in here re: the spiritual aspect of all of this. I also see a spiritual director--couldn't get thru this without her.
Not for a second have I ever believed that any of this is God's path for our lives. Not for a second have I ever believed that God wants our marriages to end. I believe that our spouses have made really lousy choices, poor decisions, very selfish ones. And they have the free will to do so. I believe that God is just as distressed over our pain and our children's pain as we are, and as alone as we feel, I continue to believe that God is weeping with us, holding us up when we can stand no more. I believe that, however twisting the path, God will bring something good out of it--not that He caused the situation to occur, but that he can redeem even the worst of circumstances and heal our grief. Because our spouses have free will, God does not intervene in their decisions because they don't allow Him to--but he will give us strength, courage, and peace to get through what we have to endure. God's will is never that we suffer, that our children suffer, that covenants are broken. Redemption and healing are His will, and we can pray that our spouses' hearts are changed--but unless they are open to that, it remains their choice: sin and grief, or love and reconciliation.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I said, "God, I hurt." And God said, "I know." I said, "God, I cry a lot." And God said, "That is why I gave you tears." I said, "God, I am so depressed." And God said, "That is why I gave you Sunshine." I said, "God, life is so hard." And God said, "That is why I gave you loved ones." I said, "God, my loved one died." And God said, "So did mine." I said, "God, it is such a loss." And God said, "I saw mine nailed to a cross." I said, "God, but your loved one lives." And God said, "So does yours." I said, "God, where are they now?" And God said, "Mine is on My right. Yours is in the Light." I said, "God, it hurts." And God said, "I know."
I like very much what you wrote, about our paths with God. Thank you.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
ps--I have been listening to contemporary Christian almost exclusively since the bomb. but I gotta say, my favorite country song is "She Thinks my Tractor's Sexy."
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I said, "God, I hurt." And God said, "I know." I said, "God, I cry a lot." And God said, "That is why I gave you tears." I said, "God, I am so depressed." And God said, "That is why I gave you Sunshine." I said, "God, life is so hard." And God said, "That is why I gave you loved ones." I said, "God, my loved one died." And God said, "So did mine." I said, "God, it is such a loss." And God said, "I saw mine nailed to a cross." I said, "God, but your loved one lives." And God said, "So does yours." I said, "God, where are they now?" And God said, "Mine is on My right. Yours is in the Light." I said, "God, it hurts." And God said, "I know."
I like very much what you wrote, about our paths with God. Thank you.
I like this, too.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
