Oh, and I have seen my spiritual director and we have talked about God's path for me. I am not ready to accept it may lead me away from W, so in effect right now I am fighting God. I am not putting my trust in Him that He will do what is best for me. Good for you if you can really accept that. Pray for me that I will also one day soon.
For what it's worth, let me chime in here re: the spiritual aspect of all of this. I also see a spiritual director--couldn't get thru this without her.
Not for a second have I ever believed that any of this is God's path for our lives. Not for a second have I ever believed that God wants our marriages to end. I believe that our spouses have made really lousy choices, poor decisions, very selfish ones. And they have the free will to do so. I believe that God is just as distressed over our pain and our children's pain as we are, and as alone as we feel, I continue to believe that God is weeping with us, holding us up when we can stand no more. I believe that, however twisting the path, God will bring something good out of it--not that He caused the situation to occur, but that he can redeem even the worst of circumstances and heal our grief. Because our spouses have free will, God does not intervene in their decisions because they don't allow Him to--but he will give us strength, courage, and peace to get through what we have to endure. God's will is never that we suffer, that our children suffer, that covenants are broken. Redemption and healing are His will, and we can pray that our spouses' hearts are changed--but unless they are open to that, it remains their choice: sin and grief, or love and reconciliation.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
