Thats what I am trying to do here. Some guys are having luck being friendly with their wives. My family and her family are going to be there. I plan on enjoying time with them and my boys who are going to be going nuts that day. During the day, I will most certainly have interaction with W. When that happens, I will be as friendly as possible without clinging to her.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Some guys are having luck being friendly with their wives.
The question is: What does Orich have success with?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Quite frankly the only time I have had success was when W realized what she was losing. But not lately. Something has changed for her. There were times when she has said regardless what her feelings for me were, she still wanted to do some things together. Granted that was months ago, but if I can be her friend again, maybe it will help lead her back. Shouldn't we be friendly, anyway? Also, several times when she has realized how much she was hurting me she made extra efforts at the M. I'm not saying I should break down in front of her, but it injects doubt into the letting her go attitude. Again, though, that hasn't happened for a while, and in fact, sometimes lately it seems like she is intentionally hurting me, maybe as a way to push me away and make it easier to move on. Regardless, I think I am making some progress, albeit small. I am acting "as if" at home, cooking dinner on the grill (which I love) getting ready for the den meetings, etc.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Quite frankly the only time I have had success was when W realized what she was losing.
What exactly were you doing to make that happen? And what was her reaction?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
The last time was when she was going away for the weekend with her new job opportunity. Our youngest was sick, and I was kinda cold to her the morning before she left. When she did leave, me and the boys were at the kitchen table playing a game. This was after she had written me a letter saying how she didn't love me, etc. Well, something must have clicked with her, leaving us there having fun. She later texted that she wished she had stayed home and done something fun with us as a family, that she didn't want to break up the family or hurt me. Nothing was said about that since.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
This was after she had written me a letter saying how she didn't love me, etc. Well, something must have clicked with her, leaving us there having fun.
She dropped a bomb on you and you were a strong, confident and loving man. Playing with his kids, carrying on with his life regardless and smiling and laughing. That is detachment. You will be fine regardless of the outcome.
Then look at her reaction.
Focus back on yourself. Do things that make you happy and fulfilled. Get your mojo back, use some Jedi mind tricks, call on the Holy Spirit and love yourself.
Psalm 40
I waited, waited for the LORD; who bent down and heard my cry, Drew me out of the pit of destruction, out of the mud of the swamp, Set my feet upon rock, steadied my steps, And put a new song in my mouth, a hymn to our God. Many shall look on in awe and they shall trust in the LORD.
Get back on solid rock and sing a new song.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Thanks, Coach. Last week I spent with my boys mostly alone. I was happy to be with them. We did have a lot of fun. I missed her being there, but truth be told, when I thought about how this might be me and the boys' future together, I had mixed feelings. Sometimes when we go on trips as a family, she can get so regimented on a schedule it affects the trip. I am more laid back, and we still had a very good time. When she did come home from work and asked how the trips were, the boys told her how great it was, how daddy did this and daddy took us there. No reaction from her at all. There's the difference. I will continue to do fun things with my boys for me and them no matter what. Thanks for the psalm. I will meditate on it and bring it to prayer during Vespers tonight.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Quite frankly the only time I have had success was when W realized what she was losing.
What exactly were you doing to make that happen? And what was her reaction?
Hi Orich,
Remember that your W has to realize 2 things.
1) She has to realize WHAT she is losing.
For this you have to BE a strong, independent, happy, fun, loving person. She sees this when she sees you being happy and fun with your kids. She DOES NOT see this if you are cold, or rude, unhappy, angry, sullen. She DOES NOT see this if you are talking to her about how she is hurting you. She DOES NOT see this if you allow her to walk on you without standing up to her.
This is not something that you can fake. You have to BE strong, happy, independent, fun. Think Action.
2) She has to realize that she IS LOSING you.
Any time you pursue, allow her to walk on you (facebook?) without standing up for yourself, etc. She does not feel like she is losing you - you are still there. You need to separate yourself from her.
The trick is balancing these two - how do you separate yourself, stop pursuing, and let her realize that she is losing you, without being angry, sullen, rude, or otherwise being a person she would want to leave.
The ONLY way to do this is to become truly independent; to become happy, strong and independent without needing her.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
I don't appear sullen or angry around her, but definately quiet. I am always happy playing with my boys. I never bring up how she is hurting me. I chose to ignore the facebook thing because I thought that was pursuing. Should I have said something after all?
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Thinker, Will you chime in on Pigskins thread he is struggling with boundaries? His wife is in a EA and he is in limboland waiting it out. Thanks
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
