You don't. But his actions are not that of a man in love anymore than my H's actions were of a man who wanted a divorce. (He never acted like one except for about three weeks in January. Other than that, he was/is around an awful lot for a man who "wants out".)
But let's say they are. What are you going to do about it? Seriously? Nothing except work on you right? You can't erase her or hypnotize him or tell them both, "You're big fat doo-doo heads! Stop this!"
So, do the only thing you can do: Work on you. Be a strong confident sexy woman. Let him know, don't tell him, show him, this is what you will be walking away from. Make it hard if not outright impossible to leave. You NEVER give up hope.
Here's where you stand and it's great news: The biggest factor in turning this around is not your H or her. It's you. And you have COMPLETE control over you.
If you were your H and you know him better than anyone else, what would you want?
When you start being the woman you really are, which is confident and secure and ready for whatever this crazy world throws at you, he'll notice and this will be a no brainer situation.
And really Swimming...he's not in love with her. He's just lonely. Change you--change that for him.
I second that. My H has said "it's over" many times but his actions show him around A LOT. Love yourself, and know that you will have a good life with or without him. That takes the "charge" out of the A.
Stronger..Thank you! Thank you for that. I wish I did not let my anxiety control me as I think a lot of the fear exisists in my head. I have low self esteem so it makes this so much harder. I do not think I am worthy of his love. I do not think I am good enough for him. It is not that I am really dependant on him because I take care of everything...I just want him to be afraid of losing me for once. You are right..if they are in love there is nothing I can do about it. I can worry all I want but that will not change things. I am going to start posting here more because the support and encouragement I am getting from my friends and family I think is overwhelming to them. I have so much fear. If I could let go then I think I will be okay but I am afraid to let go because I am afraid #1 he will not want me #2 our family will fall apart. I am afraid he will think I do not love him or I do not want to try to save the marriage and just completely give up. Fear..it overwhelms me.
[quote=Stronger]You don't. But his actions are not that of a man in love anymore than my H's actions were of a man who wanted a divorce. (He never acted like one except for about three weeks in January. Other than that, he was/is around an awful lot for a man who "wants out".)
What would his actions be if he was in love? Would he still be living in my basement? Would he still hang out with me on the weekends or talk to me at night?
Honestly, he's probably not in love right now. But he could very well be in love again....and with you. The fact he's still there...I have no idea why. But it really doesn't matter. He's still there so just capitalize on it. You are in a great position to show him the changes in you. So don't ask questions you can't get answers to at this point. Maybe he's there because he wants to see what can be or maybe he's there for financial reasons. Again, it doesn't matter. Just captialize on it.
HElP! We ML this morning...I said Thank you and left it at that. Not sure what he is thinking..maybe just needed a little action? I have a job interview on Thurs. he asked me about that..but i worry bc he wants be to be able to support kids? either way I did not react..he asked me about trip I am taking w my family this weekend..I sounded upbeat and happy about it...made it seem like I am fine going w/out him...Today I realize this is just not about him..this is about ME too! I guess I will deal with things as they come?
and then today i took him to work after we ML twice..and he was cold in the car to me...he did not say love you when he got out of the car..i think it is time for me to mention that he dropped out of law school 4 months ago right after he started and he quit his job of 4 years to go..he blames me bc I could not find a ft job at the time to support the family..he came to me and said he did not want to continue law school..he works a job now that I am pretty sure he hates..so..there is the rest of the story...so again..today on our way to work he was cold distant..i tried to remain upbeat..but my head started swimming wondering if he felt guilty for doing that with me..I just dont know...
Girl, you have got to get out of your head. How do you know he wasn't "cold" because he had a headache? Or his stomach hurt? Or he just would have rather stayed in bed all day with you? You can NOT know what he's thinking and I advise you not to even bother asking.
You ML. AWESOME!
Seriously, are you the person who finds $20 bucks in the parking lot then stresses about it? Maybe I should have yelled to let someone know they lost the $20? Maybe I should go put it back where I found it?
You are making yourself crazy....I know you think it's him, but it's not. It's you. YOU are making YOU crazy.
Enjoy the good moments. Expect the "backlash". When that happens I imagine they are thinking "Wait a minute....I enjoyed that. I really did and I enjoyed it with my wife? But how can that be? I thought I wanted out? But if I wanted out, why was that so nice and comfortable? Why did I enjoy that? Oh, I know....I'll show her! How dare she make me like her? How dare she do something enjoyable with me? I'm going to be an ass now! I'll show her!"
Seriously. Let him stew, not you. You had a enjoyable morning with him and you get to. You deserve it. Stay positive.
