I agree with the pulling back from the weird idea. Give yourself the space. Give yourself the time to search your feelings of why are you riding the rollercoaster without having to ping pong from his mixed messages. I totally relate to the ups, downs, sideways, backs, forths, etc - as you know my H goes from rages to happy family days. I can't figure it out either, and the best is to focus on ourselves. Get a breather and detach. Lighten your load. Clear your mind.
Hey, I just recently learned that my H did file for D. He did back in late May/early June when things were bad. (We had a bad stretch in early January and late May into early June.) Apparently, according to H, it took about a month to get the paper work together and retainer, and etc. So he filed July 8. But oddly enough, we're still dating. WTF????
The old me would have hit the roof when I found out. But the new me, just shook my head and said "Seriously?" Then I ironed some shirts and watched Family Guy.
It gets funnier. His lawyer screwed the filing up...said H wanted to be the primary. H was all sorts of weird out about it. Since I've found out he's been oddly attentive.
What the hell else was I going to do? And there's a huge mistake in the filing....it says he wants primary custody of our son. He can't have it because of his work schedule and truth be told, he wouldn't know what to do with him. He's admitted life is easier with me to help with our S. I can appreciate that. So when I talked to him today to let him know that, he's freaking out yelling AND he has ants in his car. Neither are my fault. I didn't hire an idiot lawyer and I didn't park somewhere for ants to get into the car. I had to call him later about some other crap and he was much nicer. It's always funny when they realize they were nutty and do their best to be calm later.
He either figures this out or he doesn't. I'm prepared either way.
Looks like without you reacting, H is messing the whole thing up himself and has nobody to blame! Well, he should blame his idiot L. But he can't blame you because you just ironed shirts and watched Family Guy. I just love that.
Way to go - you are my inspiration of calmness. IS is possible H just doesn't want to have to pay child support? I'm afraid this is why my H claims he needs 50% custody of S. Purely money. As it is, he spend like 2-3 weeknight with S and maybe one weekend day at most. I'm there in the morning, after school, all weekend, on holidays, etc. I'm def. doing more than 50% do how do they justify their calculations?
I think you're doing a great job staying calm. He probably wants to get a reaction to you but will be surprised that all your DBing efforts are creating a calm in the middle of his storm. The calmer you stay, the more his nutty crap can only be his nutty crap.
My H is filing legal separation, but still spending a lot of time at home lately. So I know whay you mean about the filing papers yet coming closer. We are hardly dating, but he is spending "family time". For my H, I think he feels more secure knowing he is protected "if" we have a D, but is still on the fence if that will happen. Having all his legal ducks in a row has actually made him feel a little safer being around us - I think.
Like I said, I'm fine either way. I've always said I needed to know that I've done everything to save this no matter how it ended. I'm pretty much there.
and the roller coaster continues. Last night, I had enough of H and sent his butt home.
My H is the epitome of why you shouldn't talk to family members about the situation. He's talked so much crap about me to his family to justify his crap that now he's not sure how to back track....oddly, I should be able to say "Hey, you're problem" but it's actually mine too.
I'm not going dark but I am definitely taking steps back. I need a brain vacation. He's going out of town this weekend with S to see his parents a few hours away. I'm soooo looking forward to it.
I said to myself, I am going to do this for today: Call him, figure out our plans for the day and end it with "Ok, then I'll see you at home when you're done." And that's what I did. I got to work, called him and said "Hey, what is your deal for this evening?" He laid out his day, including he has his NFL Fantasy Football draft tonight at a local bar/restaurant. I told him "Ok, I'm probably grabbing dinner with Friend, and I'll see you at home when you're done." Long pause. He says "Our house?" I said "Yeah." He said "What are you talking about?" I said "You told me Monday you would stay here on Wednesday." Long pause. I said "How about we stop arguing and do what we say we're going to do, ok?" Long pause. Then he says "Ok." (with a very agreeable tone I might add.)
Then we talked about some money stuff, all normal. I told him I'd call him later. He said Ok, bye Lady.
And for me, I'm going to recommitt to getting my a$$ up to work out in the AM. I've been HORRIBLE about this. And I'm going to read my book, MWD's wrote another good one, I like it a lot. And concentrate on work, tennis, maybe get my scrapbooking going again, been very very bad about it...it's not really the cheapest hobby but I really do love it. And it goes without saying, lots of time with S. He and I snuggled this morning for about 15 mins before we got up. He's very snuggly.
I'm also not engaging him anymore. He wants to work this out, this is his last chance then I'm doing what I want how I want to do it.
But it's odd, he'll want to snuggle, flirt, laugh, mess around and do stuff together, yet he hasn't called off the dogs. Not sure what kind of game he's playing but I am pretty tired.
Fortunately, I'm in a great mood and he will not impact me.
