Ups and Downs

[Energizer Bunny]

Thank you all so much for being here. I am in an incredibly lonely place right now.

I am back to work today. She came and went yesterday. She actually stayed at our house again last night. I figured she would stay at a friend's house until her new place was ready. Honestly I thought she was moving her stuff out yesterday, that she already had a place lined up. It sounds like she was just looking at places yesterday though. She is looking to buy! Not even rent. She didn't rell me this, I just saw one of the printouts. I don't know how this will work since we are still legally married. Can this affect me?

I don't know how to "let go." I don't want to give her the satisfaction of telling her that it's OK to go. It's not. It's a horrible thing to put our son through, to do to our families, to do to our marriage vows, and to do to the future that we could have together.

How can I "let go" without absolving her? I don't want to tell her that this is OK.

It's so surreal that I write this. I am still quite numb. I haven't cried.