That’s a good question and one I’ve been pondering.
I’m doing good with the PMA and GAL stuff. Detaching is going well, a bit too well maybe. I’m at the stage where I really know I’ll be OK either way, before I think I was telling myself I was but didn’t really believe it – faking it until you make it as they say a lot round here.
I would still consider reconciliation, but my H has to come to me for it, I’m not seeking it. I do have a caveat though, I would not consider it until OW is completely out of the picture and there’s no contact whatsoever. I won’t even speak to my H on this subject until this is done and I believe that it’s done.
My focus has shifted from restoration of the M to building a friendship. When the R is on better footing then I can decide if I want reconciliation.
Having said that I still love my H and want to have a R with him (it’s necessary as we’ve got kids). So……..
I think I’ve reduced the angry feelings that my H has towards me. There’s still some work to do here though, the other week he really went off at the deep end about my keeping the kids from him (which is rubbish and anyway they’re all adults so how could I?). But then later came round as if nothing had happened – realized he’d gone over the top, but not able to apologise maybe? A need a specific goal to work towards this – not sure what though.
1. Loving from afar. This is working (well it is for me, have no contol over H of course). I’ve made sure that I only make positive remarks to the kids re my H, in the past I’d have kept quiet. I’ve suggested that they go round and see him rather than ignore him. The kids are more forthcoming about their R with him rather than before they were a bit guarded. I’ll continue to do this.
Working towards friendship, my goal would be as before.
2. Get an email exchange going. I’m having a mixed reaction to this, I sometimes get a reply and sometimes don’t. There doesn’t seem to be much pattern. Maybe I should mix it up and start texting/phoning (although I did delete his no from my phone). Not sure whether I should continue at all and just contact for financial/family matters. He’s away at the moment so I’m going to give it one more go and if it peters out again, I will be sure it’s not working and change tack.
I know that we should break goals down into something achievable in the short term but that’s not really practical when we are physically separated from our H.
I need a bit more specific input to knock this into shape so I will be talking to my divorcebusting coach, Laurie, when I can sort it out and see if she has any further suggestions.
Any help from you lot here would of course be most appreciated.
I know that I need patience but I’m getting frustrated that I’m just drifting along without any indication that the R is being rejuventated and nothing’s really shifting one way or the other.
