I've been following your threads here for a little bit and I wanted to give you some encouragement.
I was where you are just about a year ago the main difference being that my stbx continued to lie about her A right up to the bitter end. I want to tell you that it will get better. You are at the point that I considered to be the worst of it. I said at the time and I still believe that going through this was the hardest thing I have ever done, including saying goodbye to my father. Just have faith that you will get through this and will be happy again.
Stick with the gym. I strongly believe that 99% of the people on AD meds in this country would be able to reduce or eliminate their need if they spent 4 hours a week at the gym. It's the best anti depressant that I know of. Plus theres usually plenty of eye candy.
I know it's hard to imagine a happy life without your W and even harder to understand what went wrong and how to put it back together but it will get better CIPA, I am living proof of that.
