Staying Indications? Hmmm, at the moment I would class them as indications he has gone from definately leaving to considering again if he wants to leave!
- Two months ago a joint phone bill with both our cell phones attached needed to be renewed for 12 months, H took his phone off the plan as he wanted to pay all his own expenses from a new account he was setting up. Two weeks ago a car insurance bill with both our cars needed to be renewed for 12 months, H said "oh just leave both cars on it" - H has started doing housework again. He used to do the dishes etc all the time (daily). First half of the year he did not do them once. He is now doing several times a week. - Telling me where he is at all times, telling me what he is spending all (larger) money on again, taking most calls in front of me again (toddlers make ph talk hard), spending most non-work time in the house again. - ML has moved from one night stand style to very caring again (not sure in bloke speak significance of this?)
This has been since he said he was 100% certain he wanted to move out, so changes have lasted couple of months. Mostly changes very small steps in right direction, first half of year all steps were in wrong direction. So we are on a good path at the moment, how long we stay on it is the thing, no expectations until I see real progress. I do not expect any big announcement, just many baby steps until one day we would look back and see how far we have come.
Communication? Nothing at all at the moment but I know H is still processing and not clear in his own head, let alone ready to talk to be about it. Thats why I am waiting for him to talk when he is ready. But I don't want to wait six months or more then me begin to process what he has to say to me and drag the whole crisis on even longer. I would like to try to process as much of my anger / frustration etc now so I can move on with my life asap. I think I am aware of most of Hs issues with me, once he finishes processing his side of things then I will get a clearer picture about which of those issues is really important to him, not just projection.
I have been having trouble working out why I feel so flat now the light at the end of the tunnel seems actually visable once in a while. Its like we have come through this major crisis and for the first time can actually take a breath. It feels to me like finally, how we feel has a chance to be tabled and we might actualy be listened to. That is close but we are not yet there.
Our tanks are running close to empty, we are topping them up ourselves but after giving so much for the last couple of years (topping up their tank first) a bit back would be nice. Thats how I feel, anyway. But I am also waiting for H to really open up to me about how he is feeling. Pre crisis he used to all the time, he has shut down all crisis apart from dribs and drabs. Once he opens up then we can start to roll up our sleeves and move forward. Thats the time I see for boundaries and my side of the story.
