So, I was thinking about the issues of respect and judgement after reading another thread...and I realized that it is true that I judge the crap out of H and don't respect him much. Some here have probably concluded that he doesn't behave in a respectable fashion but I decided tonight that seeing as I have pretty much accepted D and H is not my "better half" anymore, I can really lighten up and stop judging...
First I caught myself kind of grilling about where he might take the kids this weekend (of course the home of a famous person) and I literally said, I am going to crawl out from up your a** now...which he really didn't get so I clarified, "I'm all up in your biznis and I don't need to be. I'm sure you'll fill me in if it is happening."
To which he answered basically no problem and asked if I'd seen the movie yet (the one I ignored his invitation to twice) and he has seen it twice and wants to see it again because it is brilliant.
And I was in my kitchen dancing and feeling light and thought what the hey, nothing to lose, I'll say yes when he asks this time. But, he didn't ask...LOL.
He said he was gonna take the kids to see it (violent inappropriate movie, him trying to f*ck with me)...so I say "I already took them" (me being playful instead of busting his balls)...
and then, nothing...no invitation...
So I've skipped 4 invitations and was finally ready to throw caution to the wind and say okay and it didn't happen. And thank the heavens, I can laugh at the irony...cuz a) this is clearly never over and b) I've already let him go and can barely fathom having him as my husband...so, not much at stake.
Actually, when he told me about the celebs house and taking the kids, I thought of SP and all of this talk about do we even want the WAS back and thought "hell no do I want to be living with and raising my kids with such a star-f*cker." I actually had a moment of really wanting to move the kids out of here and away from all of that and minimize their exposure.
So, interesting that when I let go of him as my husband, it lifts a lot of the judgement and makes it feel safer to play a little and even perhaps spend time with him.
I still have a chance to stay Gucci, I gave H little and can still pull back but I felt like a little banter was healthy...
This is what I was dancing to and could easily be sung from my H's own mouth-
