I also don't want to be a bitter individual in the future, I don't even want to be bitter now and I think that is a part of DBing too by focusing on being happy and looking after ourselves and not owning our H's problems it makes it harder to become bitter regardless of what the future holds for us.
This is a very deep and meaningful conversation today, I think I have had a light bulb moment today for some reason I can't work out why but things just seem to be clearer today.
You are doing a great job to Nell, after all you are trying to DBust with very little contact which is way harder than my situation with H still at home.
Thanks Oz - yes, we are deep and meaningful today! Perhaps that's because you are half way up the wave and I am half way down it ... the balanced see-saw!
I'm struggling along but I could use some crumbs from H right now. I don't know if playing the silent game is working or whether he is just enjoying that I am leaving him alone ... perhaps he thinks that I have started to 'accept' that he is never coming back, as he spat at me back last week.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Remember Nell, don't believe anything they say, he wouldn't even remember what he said to you.
I know it must be really hard when you H is not there and is appearing not to care at all. But I think it will get the better of him and his curiosity will bring him out.
Just keep having faith in that Nell, you have come such a long way from the girl we first met and have become much stronger and you will get stronger again, I promise you that.
I appreciate that Oz - I was just reading somewhere on the forum that, by and large, most people here do not have a vested interest in the outcome of your personal situation and therefore, that is why they will not hold back in telling you how they see the truth - warts and all.
When you say that you think that H's curiosity will get the better of him, I have no reason to think any other than you truly believe that - and I so hope that you are right! What worries me, as I have said before, is that H never does anything without balancing the rights and wrongs for a long time before he acts on anything. I know that he is so very determined to have taken things this far ... it's what frightens me.
Also, by allowing himself to be propositioned by ow, well ... that's always been a step too far in his book and yet it strikes me that as he has allowed it to happen, it is his parting shot in showing me that he wants out.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
I do truly believe it Nell, just as I truly believe my H will wake up at some point in time, it's just that we don't know when this will all happen.
My H has always been a very determined, strong willed individual who always did what he wanted when he wanted, without any regard to me, so like you this also frightened me when my H wanted out because I knew deep down that nothing would stop him if it was what he wanted.
But Nell, we have to stop dwelling on any of these things because that is what will hold us back from detachment, that is why I have let go of the anger, hurt and also some of the fear. I am still fearful of the future but not as bad as I was, this is how I will be able to move forward and survive regardless of what happens.
You really getting back up on that wave, aren't you?? Just need for you to stay there now.
The way I see it with your H - he's not going anywhere fast. He had his biggest opportunity almost a week ago and he did not take it. What does that say??? I know what it tells me. Evidently, this is my best perception and I don't want to build your hopes but heeeeellloooooo.... he's still at your place!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Sent H an email simply stating that we would need to move the BBQ ourselves tonight, his reply "too heavy and unstable for the ute", gee thanks for any ideas on how we move it then.
My H certainly does not want to think about anything or make any decisions about anything unless it involves himself personally, like going to the footy on the weekend (which I know that is how they think), so basically I have decided that I am doing no more for this move, I think I have done enough.
Barbies can be replaced Oz ... consider leaving it behind so that you can move forward ...
You have indeed done more than enough toward the move and so this might be one sacrifice that will be worth it .. what do you think? Believe me, if H thinks that the BBQ is that important, he will figure it out how to move it! If it's really important to you, could you perhaps leave a note to say that there was no time/transport to pick it up and that you are sorry to inconvenience but you will be back to collect it on XYZ date .. ??
Are you registered with Twitter? As time is all I have lots of right now, I joined up this afternoon (see icon at top of forum lists) and there are some pearls of wisdom there for us, in Micheles' DB listing ...
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
No the barbie is not important to me at all, I can get another one. No doubt I will get a call from the agent about it though, so in the end I will have to deal with it as the agent doesn't call H. I went back tonight to pick up the last few items.
No I'm not registered on twitter, wouldn't even know where to start.
