Try reading any of J. Stosny's books How to improve your marriage without talking about it
or Love without hurt
the 2nd one would be good for your H if he can be reasoned with at all.
Try thinking of it as he's just yelling to be heard.. .kind of like a 3 year old having a temper tantrum. He just really, really, really wants your attention.. and he's been getting it by acting out like this for a while now. It will take some time to break this habit.
Set a boundary with him when he is calm & not yelling.
H, I REALLY want to hear what you are saying and to be on your side & understand you, however, When you are yelling and blaming, I feel disrepsected and a bit afraid so I'm going to just say,"___ ___ ___" and leave the room.
When you calm down and can share with me respectfully and quietly your thoughts & feelings, I'll listen.
It helped some with my H.. at least it gave me some control over the situation, let me take care of me by respeting myself & what I would tolerate when I was talked to..and when I would leave the room he knew why I was leaving. Sometimes I'd barely get back in & I'd be out again. It got better for a bit.
Good luck. Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
