Well short version - think I'm detaching. Not saying much to her at this point. Feel like kind of a blank right now - just kind of here. Yep Karen, need to work on GAL and PMA. Need to get happier.
Biggest problem is I'm still not sleeping, even with the meds. Exhausted today, and work was a grinder. Wanted to come home to my wife, just hug her, DBing be damned, but I didn't. I said to her at one point, and she repeated to therapist, about her keeping me afloat regarding the work stress. So I've got to attend to myself.
Work is actually maybe a useful distraction. Still very busy - there are moments now where I realize that I'm not thinking about what's going on. Almost feel like myself from time to time.
Anyway, have a new sleeping pill from the doctor to take tonight. Xanex, Ambien, didn't work. Still waking between at 1:00 am and 3:00 am and tossing and turning.
Well, sat and watched TV with her, last night, but didn't sit close. SHe seemed suprised when I announced I was going to bed. Checked the computer first, and she followed me in (looking for those snacks), asked me if I was crying (I was rubbing my eyes). I kind of laughed. No, not crying.
She's out with friends tonight. Somehow she didn't close with her L today, which is a little frustrating.
So - need to migrate from coping to better DBing. Living.
