H spoke with OW today and told her he is focusing on his M and family. He said she was pissed. I asked no further questions but have learned all contact has not ceased yet. That upset me but I'm trying to be patient and give him a little time to completely cut all ties. How much time remains to be seen.
H did put his wedding band back on today... first time he's worn it since the day he told me ILYBINILWY.
I really hope H is sincere in all this. He seems to be and I know I'm getting my hopes up even though I'm trying not to.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
He shouldn't need any time "to cut all ties." Giving a wayward spouse time for "closure," or "not to be mean" is the worst move you can make.
I've been busy with home stuff, and haven't been on much lately, but why are YOU telling OW there'll be no more contact between them? That is for your HUSBAND to do, in a letter!
He shouldn't need any time "to cut all ties." Giving a wayward spouse time for "closure," or "not to be mean" is the worst move you can make.
I've been busy with home stuff, and haven't been on much lately, but why are YOU telling OW there'll be no more contact between them? That is for your HUSBAND to do, in a letter!
Puppy! It's good to have you back! I hope all the home stuff is going alright...how is your daughter doing?
I didn't tell OW anything...H did.
I have to say I agree with you that all contact should seize. To be quite honest, I'm fearful of putting that demand on him today. Why? Because I am scared half to death of what happened last time. I know I'm probably being stupid here but I'm trying to be patient and give him a little time. I have been doing really well at not snooping, not asking questions about R, not talking about OW and we finally got to this point.
I don't know how else to explain where my head is at. For some reason I feel if I give him a little space (i.e. time) to stop the R with OW then it'll work. I won't give too much time as I am not that patient.
Am I really that wrong?
Last edited by Ashlee; 09/02/0902:30 AM.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
In my opinion, yes. But you have to make your own decisions, and do what you feel is best. I don't think it's ever a good idea to let the pyromaniac "just play a little" with the matches.
The wedding ring is huge, that is fantastic. Now is the time to re-read DB and start looking at what you can do.
I'd like to offer a different opinion of an ultamatium -- 1) what good would it do? He knows that for you to believe he is serious about the M and willing to work with him to repair the M, the contact must be ceased. That is known. 2) Right or Wrong, he might need time to "grieve" the end of the relationship. If it is his choice to end this, not something you forced him, I think that is going to make for a much stronger base to move forward.
Take the thoughts for what they are worth, but after living throught a bunch of this, it is what I've learned.
Things are continuing to look up...although I remain cautious.
Saw my IC for the 2nd time. She's in agreement to take it slow and to not put any demands on H. I think if I give him the time to stop all contact with OW it'll be better. Of course, I can't wait forever but I am trying not to dwell on it.
H has been very affectionate and loving. I'm beginning to get those old feelings back from when we first met. It scares me because I fear the bottom dropping out.
One feeling I don't like is the insecurity. I constantly want reassurances from H. I don't ask H for any...I try to remain as confident and self-assured as possible around H.
S has a retreat next weekend so H and I are going to spend the weekend at a B&B.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
Ash- Very happy for you and the progress you are seeing. I know the need to feel reassured and it is such a strong feeling, but I agree it's not something you want to start asking for. Just enjoy each moment for what it is and try to keep your head out of the future and what could or couldn't happen. The self assured woman is what is drawing your H back in.
