I know I am not supposed to focus on her, but I wanted to get this out there. She is not wearing her rings at home. I think she still wears them to work, I will confirm that tomorrow or Thursday. She did wear them to Mass Sunday. She must know I have noticed, but I haven't said anything or shown any reaction. Retro is 10 days away...
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Why do you need to confirm if she's wearing her rings at work? Let it go. Everything she's been doing is showing that she's checking out. Detach now because if Retrovaille isn't going to be the salvation you're looking for, you are going to be the one who suffers.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I know I am not supposed to focus on her, but I wanted to get this out there. She is not wearing her rings at home. I think she still wears them to work, I will confirm that tomorrow or Thursday. She did wear them to Mass Sunday. She must know I have noticed, but I haven't said anything or shown any reaction. Retro is 10 days away...
Maybe she knows you noticed but your reaction wasn't what she thought you might do so she's wondering what you might say when she finds out you are snooping about whether or not she is wearing her rings at work (but do we really know if she wore them on Monday or Tues?) Anyway I am not focusing on her right now. "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I said I know I'm not supposed to be focussing but I admitted I am. I havnt shown her anything, and the only snooping would be seeing if her rings are in her jewelry box while she is at work. I was about to write that I should know what I am up against, but thought again. I shouldn't care right now, and I will work om that attitude. Several of my family said to give up when they realized she removed them from facebook , but I'm not ready to throw in the towel. Keep trying to detach. This means nothing to my progress as a better man.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Orich, I am not questioning whether or not you are becoming a better man. If you don't learn how to detach this WAS sitch becomes even harder. Not detaching leads to pursuing, clinging and neediness - very unattractive. What does Sandi tell you detaching is? A weight will be lifted off of you when you see the light. One of the greatest gifts we were given is free will. Even God won't make us believe, it's our choice. Let your wife choose to love you but maybe she won't. It's not your choice to make for someone else. I understand all the reasons you want to make this work. It's not all in your control. Love yourself enough to let her go, let go of the fear and embrace love.
You are on my prayer list.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Coach, I appreciate all your input, I really do. I am so scared right now and I am lashing out at a lot of people now. I need to get over the fear. I keep reciting the litany and praying to St. Michael. Keep following me and keeping me in line please. I am fighting for my life. I would like to ask you a question though. Should I talk to her about any of this? My ic says I should. I really don't know what to do.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Orich, What can you say that hasn't been said. It's your actions right now (on the WAS board they have this saying "don't believe anything the LBS says and only half of what they do." :D) that will speak to her heart. If you really need to make sure your posiition is clear then do it. Pray for wisdom, guidance and strength daily.
My wife was leaving, I was scared, mad, confused and lost. I started DBing about 3-4 weeks before she left, I got the bomb a year earlier and screwed up royally. My wife was sleeping in another room and I would go in at night and pray over her to have a change of heart. Didn't change her moving out and filing for D. Read the Stockdale Paradox it helped me detach. I am in your corner.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Coach, I'm sorry I haven't looked up your story. Where are you now?
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
