Looking For Help

[Looking_For_Help]

I had an interesting conversation with my W tonight. It initially started about my daughter joining me and my son for our NFL weekend. The football weekend was supposed to be a "guy" weekend. I said it's difficult for me to travel alone with two kids...the airports are not kid friendly. My W mentioned that she needs that weekend to wrap up an account she's working on. My W feels that I'm trying to take the kids from her in the event of a divorce and she also believes I'm out to hurt her career.

So here are some of the highlights of how our conversation went from there:

Me: I do not want to take the kids from you in the event of a divorce. I believe the kids should see their parents on an equal basis. In the event of a divorce, I want for things to be as amicable as possible...dividing everything 50/50. My preference is for us to save our marriage and be happy together, but if that's not possible, I'm ready for our divorce. I want you to be happy...and I want to be happy as well. I also want you to be very successful in your career. We have all sacrificed alot over the years for your career, so for you to now fail or give up would make all of our past sufferings in vain. I want you to be happy and successful.

W: I want things to be amicable also. The kids should have equal time with their parents. In our previous conversations, you were very convincing that you wanted to hurt me.

Me: I don't want to hurt you. I love you...but I think it's too late for that kind of stuff now.

W: If you only would think about what you say before you say it...things could have been different.

Me: I understand. The ball is in your court. I'm prepared for your eventual decision, regardless of what that decision may be.

It was at this time that I saw my W's "wicked coldness" disappear. We were actually communicating again. I told her that I would take our daughter with me. My W smiled and thanked me. She's under alot of stress at work right now.

I then proceeded to talk, in a very nice manner, about the changes I want to make to our house once we do divorce. I am planning to buy the house from my W so that the kids can have continuity through this divorce. Among the items I am planning include (1) building a swimming pool and summer kitchen in the backyard, (2) installing hardwood flooring in many of the rooms, and (3) adding new landscaping to the front yard. I was planning my future, a future that didn't include my W. I told her of my vision about how the new backyard would provide me a wonderful setting to spend alot of time with the kids.

I saw disappointment in her eyes as I described this new future for me and the kids. I then asked her, as a courtesy of being married for 12 years, that she could notify me of a divorce filing rather than receive it from a courier. She agreed. I didn't say much beyond that b/c it was bedtime for the kids. I said goodnight to my W and headed to my bedroom.

I'm not sure if what I said was the right thing to say or not, but it was honest and it came from my heart. It was a very calm discussion. I continue to pray that my W stays committed to Retrovaille and that our marriage can be saved.

-LFH