aak, I think part of my problem is I'm so confused I don't know what I want anymore.
Figure out what you want and it's a whole lot easier to get there. This is also very apparent you don't know what you want in your marriage. Clear your head and think. This decision will set you on a path that has big implications for you down the road. Be wise.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.