WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[antlers]

Don't tell her that you expect a response. "Don't tell the boys that I'm doing bad things. I'm not." She already knows of the damage she has caused your family...she doesn't care enough, right now, for it to matter to her. Actions speak louder than words...BE the best father and the best CIPA that you can possibly be...with NO expectations regarding her. She already knows the things you are wanting to tell her. She already knows that you are hurt. Show her, BY DOING, that you will be and do the things that you are wanting to tell her. Think twice about sending something to her right now. She might not be receptive to it, right now. I know it's hard to just 'leave it alone'...but, right now, you might be better off doing it. You've taken the most awful hit recently, and I have empathy for you...and I believe you'll be better off, right now, just leaving things alone. Believe me, she KNOWS how you feel!

[confusedinpa]

I sent the email that my lawyer suggested this morning. I do have a call with him this afternoon at 4

She called me within minutes of sending the email

I answered to make sure it wasn't an emergency with the boys. When she told me she wanted to talk about the email, I told her that I couldn't talk and please reply back via an email

Not sure if that was the wisest move, but I got just felt so disgusted that I didn't even want to hear her voice.

Crazy part of it was my heart used to skip a beat and it would bring a smile to my face when I heard her voice. Now it brings so much pain.

I need it to stop....

I actually don't expect her to reply via an email and expect her to call tonite, or not respond at all.

If she does call, I will be an ear and let her talk. When she is done, I'm planning on just saying that I've heard what she said and I have to think about it and just hang up.

[confusedinpa]

I'm processing all the disgust from last nite's call and the few seconds I heard her voice this morning. I'm easing down as talking/emailing my friends is really helping.

Ultimately, I do feel I've done everything I could to bust this divorce. I can accept whatever the future will bring and will be sure that I am ready.

As expected, she hadn't emailed a response nor do I expect one will ever come.

I do know I need to focus on me and the kids. I did go to the gym last nite to run and do some lifting. I couldn't really concentrate though on lifting so I cut it a little short before I got hurt. I know I will go again today as it helped clear my head and take some of the edge off.

I'm still torn on how to handle this Monday. I know I will not give up my Sunday on 9/13 as I will NOT just see my boys for 1 day that week.

Any thoughts?

[spellfire]

Maybe you can check with your lawyer on this one, but I would consider a recording device for your phone if she refuses to respond in writing. I get the feeling she will try to re-write history at some point in the future.

[MrBond]

Stick to your guns about your time with the boys. Show her that you are not going to be pushed around any longer.

Don't bother asking yourself why or how could she, etc. Just take care to enjoy your life right now. Try to not think about her any more. It's tough, but it's something you need to do in order to heal.

[confusedinpa]

I was surprised that she emailed me a reply - which I didn't believe what she wrote - big surprise her lying again.

Here is her response

"I do agree that...we will always be parents together, no matter what is going on between us and that we must still be a team and treat each other with honesty and respect.

I too am doing my best to do this. Believe it or not I am very supportive of you when you are not around and do all that I can to shelter them from what is going on between us.

I do not know why the kids were saying those things...I hear similar things on my end which you may or may not say. For instance regarding this weekend and Son 7 spending extra time with me...he said that you told him that I was busy and could not get him and he said that you would not let him use the phone to call me to talk to me about it. When I talked to you about it that is not the same story that you told me. I don't know what to believe or what story is the real one. My only reason for letting you know this is that a lot is going on in their little heads and just because they say something is not because I put in it their head.

I appreciate you letting me know you concerns because as I mentioned last night I had similar concerns. If we both do our best to work together and be the best parents we can be as well as be supportive of the other parent the children will have the best possible experience in the midst of that that is going on."

It really got me agitated with her claim of what Son 7 said so I was just going to respond to her claim of what Son 7 said

What I had talked to Son 7 about was that I really valued the time we had together but I know how much he wanted to spend one on one time with his mom so I asked if he could do it during the week instead. He said he was ok with that. Not sure if I want to get into all the details, but went with this.

Wife,

It is very surprising to hear that Son 7 would present that as Son 7 and Son 3 have always had free access to call you and I have encouraged them to do so.

Regards,

CIPA

Part of me thinks she is trying to change the subject to calling and spending time with the kids vs saying bad things.

Any thoughts?

[MrBond]

yeah you shouldn't have responded. She's going to believe and say what she wants to. Don't fall into her trap. You said all you needed to say. End it at that.

Do not further respond. That's my 2 cents.

[confusedinpa]

I actually haven't responded. It was just a consideration.

A good friend told me that there's no point to arguing with an enemy as they will never agree.

I do agree, I'm not going to let myself get sucked in.

I had thought about saying that we should keep it on topic of saying bad things in front of the kids as there was no misunderstanding when i heard her tell son 7 i was doing bad things (during the laptop incidence)

Thoughts?

[MrBond]

Talk to your son to discuss what your W told him or what he thinks your W told him.

No matter how many times you tell your W not to bad mouth you in front of your sons, she's going to do it anyway whether you want her to or not.

They are being confused. Show them the truth in who you are. When my W left, my 7 y.o. knew exactly what was going on. She didn't know there was OM, but she knew that mommy had issues. So I talked her through that.

The thing is that you don't want your sons to think that all women are liars. Concentrate on them and you won't concentrate on your W so much.

[volleydog]

Not to defend your W but my W and I have been through the same things with our kids...im not saying you should believe your W but just consider it.

What your W put you through sucks but MAYBE she's telling the truth here. Maybe you two need to sit down with the kids and talk about it?