Kerry, I thought before sending it why do I do it. Well, he is the only person that should know these things. Me and him are in this together and we will always be.
I cant be looking at him in a month during my son's bday, as if nothing happened. I want him to know what he did. I want him to think about what I tell him about the kids everytime he looks at me and wants to yell at me. Yes, I want to cause him some pain I guess, before I shut my mouth for good. Because, this was not a game. He always took proud of what a good man he is. He took proud of being just. He always compared me as a person to him. I was a lousy person. Well, I feel he needs to know my every thought about him. For quite some time now, I had no reason to hold back, but I did anyway. Now I dont WANT to.
My kids will suffer, I suffered enough. It's his turn Kerry. And if that is because he reads what he has done-and nothing more, well, yes, I want that. He has gotten away with lies and deceit for too long. If I could only share some details with you about how he made me feel thru the first year of his affair. John has an idea. I dont even want to go back there again.
No control, I am detached way too much to want that. Do I want him on his knees? Sure. What do I gain? I keep my sanity, letting steam off before I put that smile on tomorrow when my kids arrive. I dont really care if he even reads them. It feels good just to push "send". K
