I e-mailed her my situation, info on a certain other person, and asked what else she might need. She basically said I needed to think about what I wanted from our consult. I am looking for some insight and direction. Perhaps too vague? Just feel as if I am stumbling around a bit. So we will see.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hey, I will check in sporadically the rest of this afternoon. Well, didn't you just hit the nail on the head! LOL Yes, I need to be a bit more direct and just say it.
Looking forward to talking with her.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Last evening with no kids. I have to paint 2 paintings. I feel ...quiet. Sent stxH another 8 page letter. Everytime I let things out of my chest with no fighting, just writing, I feel good. If anyone sent me such a letter I would kill myself, again. It wasnt mean, it was full with my thoughts and emotions of disappointement and a little disgust. Not anger. No name calling. Going over the facts and how he treated me and the kids while he was screwing her. How he destroyed our chance to be friends, how he erased our history and future for some "pleasure" with a woman that is already gone (or supposed to be gone) from his life.How he couldnt tell lust from love and how he didnt appreciate our family. How his choices affect our kids. How his life is a mess and how I was the best thing that ever happened to him. K
Writing can make you feel relieved, but what do you hope to gain by sending it to him? For him, he may view this as you trying to control him or extract some revenge by making him feel guilty.
This is the second letter you wrote where you mentioned that it would make a normal person kill themselves. Is there a "scorned woman" inside your soul that wants this outcome?
You need to get things off your chest now. You've held it in for far too long. If it makes you feel better, keep doing it. You're not being mean, just stating the facts. Your anger has to come out in some form. If he doesn't like what he's reading, he has noone to blame but himself.
Yes, you were the best thing that ever happened to him and that's why he couldn't let you go. He threw it all away for someone who "doesn't mean anything to him" as he claims. It's sickening!!!
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Kerry, I thought before sending it why do I do it. Well, he is the only person that should know these things. Me and him are in this together and we will always be.
I cant be looking at him in a month during my son's bday, as if nothing happened. I want him to know what he did. I want him to think about what I tell him about the kids everytime he looks at me and wants to yell at me. Yes, I want to cause him some pain I guess, before I shut my mouth for good. Because, this was not a game. He always took proud of what a good man he is. He took proud of being just. He always compared me as a person to him. I was a lousy person. Well, I feel he needs to know my every thought about him. For quite some time now, I had no reason to hold back, but I did anyway. Now I dont WANT to.
My kids will suffer, I suffered enough. It's his turn Kerry. And if that is because he reads what he has done-and nothing more, well, yes, I want that. He has gotten away with lies and deceit for too long. If I could only share some details with you about how he made me feel thru the first year of his affair. John has an idea. I dont even want to go back there again.
No control, I am detached way too much to want that. Do I want him on his knees? Sure. What do I gain? I keep my sanity, letting steam off before I put that smile on tomorrow when my kids arrive. I dont really care if he even reads them. It feels good just to push "send". K
