In Limbo

[ginab1966]

OMG...she agreed? Wow, here an my H must be reading the same book. He agreed to go too. We're going on the 18th of this month. I have to give you credit for sleeping on the couch. I almost slept in my bed last night but just couldn't. I went back into his. See, he moved out of our bedroom when I moved back into the house. So, we have two. The one we used to sleep in and the new one that he made and he won't sleep in the old one but wants us to sleep together (not sure why)so I sleep in "his room". He even calls it "his room".

There is so much that I want and need in this relationship and right now, it seems like all I'm doing is bending and forgiving and letting things slide off....and it's taking all the strength I have. But, as Michelle says, whatever happens I will know that I literally did every last thing I could to save our marriage.

I'm really pleased that my husband has been a great Dad through this all. With the exception of wanting to divorce me. I left (taking Daughter w/ me) but I never wanted a divorce.

I'm not detached by any means either. I try and I do a pretty good job most days but he's been home all day and my mind has been on what he's doing and why I didn't get asked to lunch and why he didn't call me and was he looking at porn.....bad, Gina, bad Gina. I can't control any of that....so why am I obsessing over it. Because I'm emeshed like the co-dependant that I am. I'm so happy I found co-dependants anonymous. It really is helping. I'm no where near where I need to be but I am a damn site further than where I was. I was unable to breath at times. Now, I can say there are parts of my week that are downright happy. Especially the time with my daughter. I try not to fear the future but it's hard.

Just know that I'm thinking of you and the boys and praying for them. I'll let you know how Retro goes. If you go before the 18th, let me know..ok? I'm really excited for both of us. Now, lets not dwell on all the rest but be happy they are going. Lets put some positive vibes out there and see if they might just come back to us. What can it hurt, right?

Take good care of yourself.

Gina B