GG, You are going to have to learn to have absolutely no expectations w/your h. Expectations will deflate your ego and mood so quickly when they do not do what they normally would have done. Expect nothing and when he does do something right and/or nice, be surprised and thank him for what he's done.
Make your birthday extra special. Do something totally different than you would have had he been in the picture. Create new traditions.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
