I just went back and read all of your old posts....I would beg and plead everybody to get cash for a lawyer yesterday. You are being setup big time in my opinion. I would assume you have got paper copies of any and all communications between your wife and yourself. If not..get them printed. She has already threatened you with kidnapping your children! The request for pay stubs for health insurance...maybe for insurance, but more than likely for some financial calculations by her lawyer paid for by mom and dad. From what I see, this divorce is being driven without a doubt by her parents.
I hope you have opened your own private checking account. I would do it if you haven't and then only transfer money into the joint account as needed. Whether you trust her about spending money on the kids or not, she could just go out and clean you out at a moment's notice.
I second sending the kids a prepaid cell phone by certified or registered mail to confirm receipt. I would add a very nice note scheduling a time when you will call that number. I would be very doubtful that the children are seeing the letters or videos...more than likely Gramma is depositing them into the trash. Make copies of everything you send in the package....then call as YOU scheduled! If you call and they don't answer...it is safe to say that the children are not receiving anything from you and your lawyer will love that. If they do answer, you get to talk to your children. A win-win for you either way.
I see this being a tough application for DB'ing...it really might not be your relationship that is the problem. More than likely it is parents who have never approved of you and through years of continual harassment have eroded your relationship to nothing in your wife's eyes. Get a lawyer now so they don't have to play catch up with your wife's lawyer. You have what...two weeks to prepare yourself legally. If you continue to wait...I am sure you will end up getting a letter in the mail with all kinds of ridiculous things she wants...or her mom wants may be a better way of putting it.
