Yep, it happened to me. My H has admitted under oath to having a PA (and I suspect it was an EA before that) with a former co-worker. He's become almost the complete opposite of who he was formerly. I trusted him 100% and he cleared out money from the savings and checking account. My L did set a temp. hearing to have temp. alimony and child custody though, and she is going to address me getting half of those funds he took out at the final hearing. I think even if I have a joint account in future (to pay bills) if I get remarried, I would always have a separate account with some savings in it so I would have emergency money. I had to borrow from my brother and I'm grateful for him, but I wouldn't want to go through that again hopefully once I can get my financial sitch in better shape.
Sorry I took a while to reply, but just read through your thread. Did you hire an L? I do think even if you want to go through a collaborative divorce or mediation, you should still hire an L to protect your interests. You cannot trust your H at this point. He's looking out for himself, and you need to hire someone to help you do that. Some attorneys are very adversarial (mine for example), so you may have to go to several (saw you had that advice before) and figure out which one will be less adversarial and more collaborative if that's what you want, but yet you'll still have someone looking out for your interest, as believe me your H is not.
His trying to rush you and pressure you concerns me. I also don't know for sure, but I think the only reason your H is 100% determined to end your M and move on so quickly is that there is an OW in the wings somewhere; it could be a PA or maybe just an EA, but I don't believe anyone just gives up on a long-term R like yours and be so certain unless there is an OW. I certainly could be wrong, but it seems like a lot of times when Hs are acting like yours, they later found out there is a PA or EA. I think you need to LRT for that reason, and give up on logic and reasoning with your WAS. It won't work.
Don't anymore say you don't want a divorce or anything like that. He already knows, and it is pressuring/pursuing and is not helping and could be hurting. No pressure. If you've hired an L, then tell him to consult your L if he wants to negotiate anything. Say your L has told you that. If you haven't hired one, I think you should start doing that process, interviewing differents L and trying to find one you like. In Bill M's case (hopefully he doesn't mind me mentioning him) you've seen where the papers were filed on him and he was given practically no notice or time to respond and hire an L. At least if you start the process, you won't be blindsided like that.
Don't express any more reluctance to divorce. Keep positive about it. Divorce will take months or longer. Mine has been going on for over a year now and even best-case scenario is going to take 1.5 years (November 30th is our final date). You have time.
You need to GAL and do 180s. What kind of stuff are you planning on for that? If you have any specific questions, please ask away. Things are going to get better, and I have to say I am so impressed with how you are handling your sitch!!! I was a crumbling mass of jello when the "bomb" happened to me. You are amazing!!! Karen
