Separated 4 Months - Looking for Advice??

[neversaydie63]

Progress report?? --- Maybe

So this last weekend was interesting, On Friday we went out to dinner and had a nice time, we laughed and talked and had fun. She did regrill me about when I went out with “some friends”; she asked how it went and whom I was out with (not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing but I tried to be as vague with her as possible w/o being a jerk) All & all a good night.

Sat. – The wedding, had a good time, saw a lot of old acquaintances and again had fun, laughed and danced. We did do one slow dance and that felt a little strange as she did seem a little distant --- not sure if she did not like it or felt I pressured her into a slow dance (I really did not) but I just walked off after it was over feeling a little “put off”?? not sure --- I am just not good at this separation thing I guess. It was weird, seeing this young couple (which we have known the bride since she was a little girl) starting their new life together, with so much love and hope, and us, 20 years later, being on the brink of divorce with little hope and lots of anger! -- Sad, really, really sad!! Anyway, after the wedding, she dropped me at our house, and I asked her if we were going to go to church together (which we have done almost every week since we have split) and she did not commit and told me she would call me.

Sunday kept busy, when on a bike ride and a drive, waited or her call but did not call her – the call never came so I went to church and low and behold she showed up. I was surprised to see her there and she said she had planned to go all along and just for got to call me but figured I would be there. After church, we normally go for dinner but I was leaving town and I am trying not to be too available for her all the time so we hung out in front of the church and talked and she told me how she had had lunch with a mutual friend who we had not seen in a while (female). After that, I said good-bye and told her I had to pack and get ready for my out of town trip early Monday am. She seemed a little upset and said that she guessed she would get some food to take back to her house since I would not be joining her. I told her sorry but I really had a lot of stuff to do. We kissed and she wished me a safe trip.

The funny thing was that she called me later and left me a VM message and said she had a ? for me. When I called her back she was upset that I did not inform her that we would not be having dinner together otherwise she could have made other plans. I, unlike the old days where I would have jumped on her for not calling me like she was supposed to or trying to defend myself, just put down my gun and said I was sorry and that I should have told her that ahead of time and that it was my bad, I also mentioned that for us to avoid this miscommunication for next week, that we should go ahead and plan to do church and dinner next Sunday since I was not traveling next week, she agreed. It was funny and different for me (a real 180) to see how she reacted to that, she seemed really surprised, and her angry tone left her voice and she just could no longer get angry with me – she softened up and wished me a good trip!! It was really strange and I felt super good about myself that I did not let her suck me into defending myself and getting into fight. – Wheee heeew!

Q: Did I do the right thing by not making myself available?
Did I do he right thing by not defending myself and disarming the situation?

Just thought I would share.

NSD