"Saffie and OT I think the fog is clearing in MY head. I read your posts and yes it comes down to am I willing to live without Sex and intimacy."
I certainly wouldn't be willing to live like that.
Anyway, if you seek intimacy, FAKING is not the way to get it.
Still, there is something to be said for having sex before your feel like it. If W is like many women, if she hasn't had sex in a long time, she isn't likely to want it until she has sex. Conversely, the more sex, the more she may want it.
I'm not a big fan of giving self-help books to others. But, I wonder if in this case it is worth trying to read SSM together. I don't know what it says about sharing it with your spouse.
I scanned it once or twice briefly. One big thing it recommends is to have sex and let the desire come after you start.
On another note, if the faking comment is a frequent one of your W's, it may point to her NOT wanting to go back to an inauthentic sexual R with you. She may feel she has to perform during sex to make you happy, thus making sex tedious and boring for her. The last thing you want to do is to encourage her to fake enjoyment for your benefit.
How about: "No way do I want you to fake it. But, I do want you to try it and be open to finding out you enjoy it along the way."
