Tuesday morning: Went for a short walk this morning. My knee is still swollen from Saturday's soccer match, so running would be a little too painful. The air has been crisp these last few days; it is feeling like fall. The walk was relaxing. Everyone was still asleep when I got back, so went up to get ready.
W walked in the bathroom as I was getting out of the shower, she stands there briefly. W: "May I have a hug." M: <Deep Breath> W: "That's OK, I understand." M: "No. You should hear this. It's something I have been discussing with IC." W: "You don't want to send me mixed messages?" M: "No. I shouldn't feel like I need to compete with OM." W: "You're right. You shouldn't." M: "It is demeaning to me and I am a better man than that." W: "You are." M: "It doesn't mean that I am not willing to work on the marriage. It's just all part of working on myself." W: "That's fine."
She then turns to start getting ready. It didn't seem to have much impact on her, but it did feel good to say it.
Also, I forgot to mention that in part of the discussion yesterday W mentioned that she "doesn't feel grounded" and that she feels "like I am floating". I am not sure how to interpret that; I guess it is similiar to discussions where she has said that she is a "lost soul".
You can't read her mind so you don't know how much of an impact it had on her.
If you had asked her for a hug and she replied in the same way you did, how would you feel? You may act strong on the outside but inside you might feel hurt, rejected, etc. It's not out of this world to consider the possibility that she might feel the same. No one said she did feel the same, it may not have affected her at all but it might have.
No one likes to be rejected (usually). You also showed control and decisiveness, you decided not to hug her, you showed her you're detaching, there's a bit of power in those actions.
So your wife comes into the bathroom just when you finish taking a shower, she catches a glimpse of you without clothes on, she wants to touch you, hug you, etc. Maybe I'm reading too much but I think some attraction still exists and you pushing her away (even just a bit as in this example) was excellent because there is a lot of push/pull going on here. For the longest time during this, you were pulling her towards you and she was pushing you away and now you're slowly turning this around, you're pushing her away and trust me you will start to see her pull you towards her more. There is no mistaking this, this happened here and it will happen again.
Take it a step further, the next time you're showering and you step out of the shower and she "happens" to come into the bathroom, tell her "I would like some privacy, can you please leave the bathroom while I get ready" and put a towel around your waste and follow her to the door and lock it behind her.
What will follow afterwards be it within the same few minutes, hours or same day, she will ask you why you mind so much if she looks at you when you come out of the shower. It will happen, I can't guarantee the specific time line but it will happen. More of you pushing her away and more of her trying to pull you back in.
