NC with wife for one week

[Ready2Change]

I would put the burden on her.
If she wants to sell the house then she can get all the paperwork to do it.
IF she wants to get a D she will have to do all the work.
You should not aide her in that endeavor.

I agree. Tough love. She wants the D, let her do all the work. DO NOT FIGHT IT, BUT DO NOT SUPPORT IT. Do not fight her, show empathy and understanding for her. VALIDATE HER FEELINGS. She is hurting.

"I understand why you feel D is the only option. I would prefer to work on our marriage, but will not stand in your way if D is what you truly want"

DB principles are there for you to feel good about yourself. If you are confident about talking about the R then do it without sounding desperate or clingy. You def have to go in there and be a confident man.

Project cool, calm, confident, understanding. Spend time grooming. Hair, teeth, shave, cologne. New shoes, shirt, pants and belt. This is "first date". Time to shine with all the new 180's. LISTENING, VALIDATION, Picking up the tab, getting the reservations set etc.......

First thing is first, you have to put her at ease about the whole situation.
Make her laugh.
Make her see that you are easy going and that no matter what she says you can take it.

Funny and charming.

Don't act indifferent. Act concerned but understanding. Empathize and validate. Its the hardest thing to do.

BE CONCERNED AND UNDERSTANDING. She is unhappy. You want her to BE HAPPY. You can not MAKE her happy. She is projecting all her unhappiness at you. Don't take it personal. Just realize this is her POV. Listen to her story. Do not argue about her POV or her feelings.

Well I will be meeting W on thursday after all. Seems she was able to switch her shift at work as to fit me in.

GOOD! You have 2 days to "DO WORK" and be prepared.

I am nervous about meeting with her.

DO NOT LET FEAR CONTROL YOU. Face your fears. The more one tries to avoid something, the more likely it will become reality.

It has been two months since I have seen her and 3 months since the bomb.

Perfect! Get this thought into your head "I am excited to see her! Expect her to be excited to see you". "I will not react to any negativity from her. I will just understand that she is hurting.

We are meeting at a local coffee place.

Great! Can you get there early and get W's favorite drink as well as your own?

It is really weird feeling nervous about meeting my W.

Yes. There is a lot at stake. Respect your feelings and channel the energy into positive action.

I am just scared that I will fall out of DBing ways.

FACE YOUR FEARS. Put all your thoughts, words and actions into "what you want".

It was almost easier with No Contact as I knew that as long as I didn't call her I wouldn't screw up.

We all make many choices a day that affect us the rest of our life. Do your best, do not beat yourself up. Go in prepared. You will do fine. We all make mistakes, but that is part of life. Each on is an opportunity to learn.

I need to go in there being strong and confident and thinking well whatever she says I will be fine and there are a lot of women out there.

Go in with the this thought "This is the most beautiful, interesting woman in the world" I am going to enjoy her beauty. I am going to study her eyes and her lips. I am going to listen to every word she has to say with my full attention. I will remember every detail she says so that I can understand her better.

Other than that I will let her do the talking and validate her concerns if they come up. Trying to stay out of too much R/D talk.

Avoid R talk like the plague. She her you have changes by your actions, behaviors and the way you look and treat her.....

GOOD LUCK! We are your in your corner. You are a good person. Everything will be fine.