strange evolution of WAW

[BeingMe]

Hi futureunknown! So glad the kids get to have fun at grandparents house. (I had my daughters and grandchildren over during the summer ---- noisy, but fun most of the time.) Isn't it so sad when we allow the normal negative stuff of M turn us away from the one person who we should be clinging to --- our spouses? I guess it's lack of communication or something. Dr Phil had a program last night about how spouses should be during troubling times, and it really hit home for me. We sometimes blame the other spouse for things that we have no real control over and I bet that's part of why your W is having the A.

Only after our M buckled under the weight of 3 kids in 4 years, an endless fixer-up house project, medical problems, and financial difficulties did she decide to give OM another chance.

This is normal family life. Good grief! This is nothing compared to stuff other people go through and survive to the end. It would be the same for any M she goes into. It's up to her how she decides to handle difficult times and learn to balance it with good times that she can generate along with you. Perhaps you did 'blow it' (which I doubt), but that is no excuse for the A.

So, she's thinking she made the wrong choice long ago. What a foolish notion. She either loved you or not, and she clearly didn't love the OM enough then. And, the grass is rarely greener on the other side.

She still tells me she grieves every day for the life she wanted to have with me.

A somewhat over the top thing to say, and to do so everyday, don't you think? A bit melodramatic, IMHO. Does she realise, I wonder, that she had half decision-making powers to make that life happen? Seldom does anything turn out exactly the way you want it to. I see your W as being somewhat emotionally immature and sees the world in a somewhat unrealistic way which is why she can act the way she is acting ---- friendship with you, fantasy life with OM, etc.

I think she needs to wake up to the realities of life and her part in it. You are not responsible for her happiness nor is OM. Yes, the actions of others can make us sad, or things in life (like the death of another) can make us grieve, but one overcomes it and moves on. In a marriage, we communicate, we negotiate, we stand by each other in bad times, we laugh and cry together.

Anyway, enough lecturing about M since I am still trying to get my H onto the playground. We are 'reconciled', but he just sits on the sidelines. Sigh!

Take care.