Thought I was over this

[Dia]

IMHO, you do not mention the 15th AT ALL. If she wants the D, then it's her responsibility to meet all deadlines, file all papers, etc.

If it dismisses, that's HER problem.

[C-Bart]

I tend to agree with your assesment Dia. Just going to have to buy a bag of lip zippers. I tend to talk to much when it comes to these sorts of things. Never could keep a secret.

[C-Bart]

Re-connect went good today. Not sure if I explained this before but W works 12+ hour shifts Sat-Mon. During these periods we rarely, if ever, talk. Were we have traditionally had our biggest blowups is when we have the initial re-connecting conversation. I realized some time ago most of this was driven by me being very needy and having a feeling of disconnect. Sad but true. Think I've made some progress on this front.

We seem to pick up were we left off last week. Friendly upbeat conversations.

BTY lip zippers are working well. Almost don't need them today.

[C-Bart]

Now she is playing dirty. Comes to my house looking all hot and stuff. D@MN! This is suck.

[Dia]

Heh!! Look all you want, drool later.

Good on you for fixing the re-connect. If she has any anxieties along the lines of "the re-connect always goes south and it's HIS fault", making it go smoothly several times in a row will help fix change that perception.

Oh, and hey - perfect, patent and market those lip zippers and you'll never hve to work another day in your life.

[C-Bart]

Just pulled a serious 180. W called to complain about S9 not getting his homework done. Now he is behind and Wednesday is her day. She called under the pretense of asking how much work he had gotten done; just to check with me. Right. She REALLY called to complain that now she has to stand over him and make sure he does his work. This is what we have been doing for years with no change in his behavior. If it's not working try something else.

Here's the 180. She tried to sugar coat the b!@#$h job with some BS but I called her on it rather than my typical wimpy response. Then laid out how the drill sergeant routine isn't working and set forth a new approach. One that allows Mr. S9 to deal with some of his own consequences and to help him develop internal motivation versus the external he is constantly receiving. I also committed to making some changes at home i.e. no video games (big collateral) until homework is done.

Conversation actually ended on a good plane. W said ok and went of to work on some other projects of her own. Said she would call with a status. Think she may be checking up on me. That's funny. :-)

In case your wondering yes, we did put the dys in dysfunctional. My biggest goal is to set a new standard for my family from this point forward. Getting there is even slower than DBing. Inmates have been running the asylum for way to long.

[C-Bart]

Funny the word control keeps running through my mind. As in she wants to control behavior. Control the R. I read a good post the otherday relating to the ballance of control shifting to one party in cases of WAS. The interesting thing is their is no desire to own or be responsible for anything. Just to control it.

[C-Bart]

12 days and counting and now word about the D. W came over this afternoon. Perfect timing as I was just getting home with my new cycle. Not sure what was going through her mind. She just kind of stood and staired for a few minutes. Then started asking questions. Keep in mind cycles were off limits when we were together. I feel like such a rebel. This separation thing is kind of fun.

[C-Bart]

Some days I just feel like I am doing everything wrong. How do I keep a PMA when nothing seems to make any difference. I can't seem to move past hello. Seems like everything I say can and will be used against me.

W made an off the wall remark about calling me last night if her other plans didn't work out. Actually I was third on her list after running grocery shopping. I joked about it this morning saying wow I'm glad you have backup plans. She got really mad and stopped talking to me.

Here's the deal. She was at my house four times this week. She actually complemented me twice on my appearance of all things. Yet there is a 100 foot tall wall between us. I'm really starting to loose faith. I feel like I have to put a stake in the ground but I have no idea how. Seems like we have made it to friend status but not even good friends. Is she waiting for me to make a move? I have no idea what to do next.

[Dia]

C-Bart - take a step back for a moment. She's calling you, she's hinted at wanting to hang out, she's stopping by and she's complimenting things.

This is PROGRESS! If you give up and stop now, you will convince her that it was all transitory - an act, not real. If you keep it up, she will eventually start to believe.

Be catnip, be irresistible. And above all else, hang in there!