You know, there's one other thing that comes to mind. I don't know that much about narcissism but I do know that one thing I'm not completely in touch with yet is how much I have NOT forgiven myself for all the hurt I've caused W. I think that lack of forgiveness gets projected out, can turn into blame, and convincing oneself of all sorts of things like self importance, etc. I think it can also stand in the way of asking for forgiveness from others. I've asked for forgiveness and kind of forgiven myself but not really all the way (this whole deep feelings thing is brand new to me, can you tell?). Anyway, it sure seems like its hard and I can see how so many people may not even be able to see it well enough to figure out how to get past it. Does that make sense?
BTW. What does it say about me when I keep using myself as an example....YIKES...LOL!
Yes, this is so common. Often when one is cheating he/she blames the other for pushing them to do it or finds fault with their partner and doesn't even correlate it to the OP...
Also, in my sitch, my H really screwed up when our second son was born (left town even though I begged him not too and missed his birth). I did fine and I forgave him but I think that was truly the beginning of the end because he saw himself as that guy, not the family first guy he had been prior. So, ya, narcissism is very much about creating a false self and that can be motivated by guilt, insecurity, lack of fulfillment...some people wake up to reality if it is an acute case and some just can't let it go. I don't know who the real H is in my sitch. I don't know if the false self was the family guy, devoted husband or if it is the star-chasing self-gratifier...if he is a true narcissist, he is neither, just a lost soul.
You are doing great with the deep feelings and looking at yourself.
Oh, and what it says about you that you are using yourself as an example is that you are willing to own your sh*t and also to give something here. Good stuff.
