You know, there's one other thing that comes to mind. I don't know that much about narcissism but I do know that one thing I'm not completely in touch with yet is how much I have NOT forgiven myself for all the hurt I've caused W. I think that lack of forgiveness gets projected out, can turn into blame, and convincing oneself of all sorts of things like self importance, etc. I think it can also stand in the way of asking for forgiveness from others. I've asked for forgiveness and kind of forgiven myself but not really all the way
This is some good stuff.
I struggled for a long, dark time with being able to forgive myself. First, it takes a brutally honest examination and ownership of your own failings, foibles and general contributions to the marital mess. It takes acknowledging these completely separate and independent from anything your spouse might have done/not done. In fact, I found that when I was in the space of working on forgiving me, I was utterly and completely unconcerned with anything H had done - and I think that was good. It stopped the blame cycle.
When I finally got to a place where I had forgiven myself, I found I had forgiven him, too, and without even trying. It was as if I'd flipped a switch.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
