"This is just an opinion that could be dead wrong, but if (a big if) there is no OW, in his current mind state, what is construed as pursuit would be a reinforcement of the very control and "contempt" he feels you had for him that drove him away."
If there was OW, this would/could still apply, though, right? He could see my pursuit as contempt/control, regardless?
One other question - for all here - how do you let go, really let go of the FEAR? The acting out of fear? I don't want to communicate/do anything in fear..but it is such a natural state of being in this situation. Just focusing on what makes yourself happy and truly believe you will be OK even without them...does that mindset eventually help dissolve the fear? Putting trust in God would help as well. Any other suggestions that have worked for you all?
Lastly, per some of my posts across yesterday, I do not want to be a doormat and on his timeline...I'd like to take some of the control back here, in a way, I guess. That is why I'd thought about standing up to him more, not in an ultimatum way, but letting him know I do not want to live in this limbo state forever? Some friends have suggested I communicate to him I'm not going to be in limbo-land on his timeline forever...set a date to sit down and talk. But that seems to be not the DB-way..and perhaps would elicit a fiery outcome given the state/place H is in. I trust folks on this site more in that respect. I guess the only way in the past i'd wanted to bring up retro ever again was to position it as 'closure' - let him know that i know reconciliation is not likely in the cards...maybe that would let him know i'm letting go, trying to move on, and doing this as a way to let go of and heal old wounds. (but maybe this is construed as manipulative?) believe me, i have not brought it up again, just thinking through proper positioning if it ever comes up.
that's the weird thing about letting go/control. i know there is a lot of freedom to be had in letting go, but i think sometimes i want to bring up these things to feel better myself, like I am leaving no stone unturned...sometimes i feel like I might miss an opportunity and then beat myself up later for not bringing it up if we end. Silly reasoning perhaps.
I want to demand some respect from him ('demand' not right word here, i know), and let him know he can't carry out this behavior in our M forever.. but perhaps that is what Stronger is saying when she says "stop his trip short" by letting him not get to me anymore, whatever he does. That's hard...that I've got to work on myself. And will standing up to him make him respect me more (listen, i am committed but you're not giving this any effort and i can't live like this forever?) or will it likely just piss him off given his state? Maybe male minds can weigh in here.?? GAL and other route better option?
