I am scared that I messed up...

[istillluvmywife]

About 2 months ago, my wife told me she felt no spark in our relationship. We talked and she said that she was stressed in regards to money. I have been self employed for 3 years and had not contributed to the family financially for all of those 3 years. We had just enough money to cover daily living with a little left over. However, life is never without surprises so the little left over kept getting spent.

We agreed to look at re-financing the house to provide a little extra cash flow. We also discussed my business and what she viewed as a lack of effort I was putting in. I agreed with her about the lack of effort over several months if not the last year. I would try something to get business in and give up when it did not work right away. I agreed to put in much more effort and not let the rejection get to me and give up so easily.

After this discussion about money and career I asked about us and she said that we should focus on these two areas first and then focus on us. I agreed.

However, several weeks later, we had arranged to re-finance, I was working much harder at the business and was seeing some improvement when she hit me with the Bomb!! "I love you, but I am not in love with you" and she told me at the time that she did not believe that she would ever feel love for me ever again.

I was shocked to hear her say those words, however, I have to admit, I should have saw it coming. For several years of our 11 year marriage we were growing apart slowly. I am someone who hates conflict and will keep my emotions inside if I believe it will create conflict. So for years, I never told her how her complaining, nitpicking and criticism hurt me. I did ask her on several occasions to stop, but she never did.

I believe that over the years I began to withdraw and even stopped loving her as I did when we first married.

And it is my withdrawal and lack of love that she blames for her lost love. She said that she is tired of waiting, tired of telling me I need to make changes and get involved with the family and her and show her I love her. She had on several occasions over the last couple of years asked me to get checked out for depression. I never believed I was depressed.

Over the last couple of weeks we have been talking, and arguing about our fellings and our relationship. I want to try and work things out to find our way back to the time that we both loved each other. She on the other hand keeps telling me that she is tired of trying, she said that "she tried everything", and I never made an effort to work at it until now, when she is done trying.

She has agreed to see a couples therapist, but keeps saying that she does not believe it will help.

I just picked up the book Divorce Remedy and found this forum. I read about the Walk away Wife Syndrome and am amazed that Michele Winer Davis was able to write about my situation in such detail before it even happened.

I am afraid however that I may have been arguing, pushing, pursuing and crying too much over the last several weeks with my wife that maybe I pushed her beyond wanting to even try.

I have an appointment to see my doctor on the same day as our first couples therepy session to discuss the possibility that I am suffering from depression.

I am not sure what to do next.