My Intro: Thanks for Reading!

[RedSoxFan]

Thanks Stronger. I appreciate the reassurance. I am backing off even more.

Not sure about the breaking up thing though. It is hard for me to tell if she meant that because she wants to or because I'm pressuring her into it. The former would be good, the latter not so much.

It would bother me so much less if I knew she were dating him for reasons other than caring about him Am I wrong for feeling that way?

[Stronger]

You're funny.
Of course not. If your spouse is going to date someone wouldn't boredom be a better reason than actual caring about them? No kidding. I get it.

At this point, you are giving him a lot of credit. I think that event sounded like lots of fun. That's why she wanted to go and it would have been fun for the kids too. (I don't mean to be disrespectful for the person being memorialized....but I think you understand that.)

And really, one of my concerns about being a single mother is finding a guy who wants to date a single MOTHER. That's probably where she is....it's tough out there.

I think continue to show her you've been doing a lot of soul searching and changing. Let her make the choice.

[RedSoxFan]

At this point, you are giving him a lot of credit. I think that event sounded like lots of fun. That's why she wanted to go and it would have been fun for the kids too. (I don't mean to be disrespectful for the person being memorialized....but I think you understand that.)

When I walked she felt abandoned and I don't think she felt like any of our friends were there enough for her. These old high school friends have taken her in and she seems to feel a sense of belonging or comfort or security or something. I cant help but wonder if she's afraid to let go of that. OM is definitely a part of it but maybe its a package deal for her. They seem to be a bit rougher around the edges than most of the friends we have together and she seems very sensitive to that. She has accused me several times of not seeing people the same way she does, being prejudice, etc. It's like she's struggling with a bunch of different things.

Mind reading again.

BTW. If she's looking for a man who wants to date a woman with children, I know one who's waiting

[Stronger]

She's got a lot going on. This is not about you. She's made it clear, this is all about her. She's being selfish...and by your own admittance, you were first.

There could be a certain amount of "punishment" here she's doling out to you, but I also think she is very very confused about a life with or without you. But I really don't think she's looking long term at OM. If she really really were, she would have told you to go screw yourself when you asked for less time between your children and OM. I know I would if I were very serious about someone and my H made noise about it, I would say "Deal with it because this guy is going to be around for a long time."

Calm down. You're really doing better than you think. And these amazing wonderful nights you THINK they are spending together probably are not happening.

[RedSoxFan]

silly small question. If I am backing off..and I am...and I notice she doesn't seem herself...should I ask if she's OK?

[Stronger]

I wouldn't but if you are going to, I would ask "Do you feel ok? I don't think you look bad/sound bad, but you don't sound like yourself....coming down with something?"

If you have to ask, go for concern for her physical well being, not her emotional.

[RedSoxFan]

I didn't ask. Last night she seemed different. Not OK. short and somewhat cross. I resisted saying anything or asking if she was OK.

I proceeded to toss and turn and have bad dreams all night. I have a very busy mind and I'm not good with patience or uncertainty.

I just sit here waiting for the email to come that says she's doing the big D or whatever. Lost my confidence. Guess I'm just in a slump. No doubt it will come back.

Thanks for checking in.

[Stronger]

Hey, I just recently learned that my H did file for D. He did back in late May/early June when things were bad. (We had a bad stretch in early January and late May into early June.) Apparently, according to H, it took about a month to get the paper work together and retainer, and etc.
So he filed July 8.
But oddly enough, we're still dating.
Who knows RSF?
All I can tell you is that once you let it go, and really really let it go, there'sa weird calm.
The old me would have hit the roof when I found out. But the new me, just shook my head and said "Seriously?" Then I ironed some shirts and watched Family Guy.
It gets funnier. His lawyer screwed the filing up...said H wanted to be the primary. H was all sorts of weird out about it. Since I've found out he's been oddly attentive.

[RedSoxFan]

So when she's irritated or in a bad mood that's usually my sign to ask if everything is OK. She seemed that way last night and again today. So I'm just supposed to stay quiet right? Don't ask "How are things with you?" or "You doing OK?"

Makes me uneasy that she's not OK and I don't know why? I'm insecure and I'm also concerned about her.

[aliveandkicking]

Well, for what it is worth, I hate when H asks if I'm ok, knowing how much sh*t I'm dealing with and that he has such a huge role in it.

Don't know if she feels the same but something to consider.

I think it is better to ask specific questions IF you are going to ask and keep it to a minimum.

I feel very uncomfortable when H asks me questions. I don't feel safe answering honestly and I want my privacy.