Thanks so much for everyone responded. If I had to say who hit the mark the best, it was Coach. I'm seeing the dysfunction and I need to address it. The things is, when he is distressed I do want to fix it. Same thing with my son.
I have a good friend of mine that just left her H after 18 years of pure h*ll, drugs, drinking, womanizing, verbal abuse, total gaslighting, etc, etc. It really helps to talk with her. I listen a lot, more than talking actually.
I do have more work to do on me.
I spoke with him on my way home from class. I asked him to consider Retrovaille. (Not sure if it is spelled correctly.)
I told him it isn't M C, not really a M retreat and the focus is on communication. Don't give me a response right now. It isn't until October. Read the info online, consider it in a quiet moment and then let me know.
He said he would think it over. We'll see what happens. Regardless of what he decides, I am going back to work on me. Honestly, I am not anxious to touch the hot stove again. If I play my cards right I may even get to go fishing and use the 2 dozen worms in my fridge that are waiting for me today.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
I'd like some input on an email that I am planning to send to my H. Those of you that have followed along with my sitch know that my H signed the house over to me last December and then just walked away. Other than paying for half of a new basement door (and installing it) I have not asked for a dime and have taken care of everything myself - even since I was laid off.
Here is the email:
H,
I just spoke with the Heating Co. about the pre-buy program. You've asked a few times if I needed help with money. Could you help me with pre-buying propane?
Over the past few heating seasons we've used just over 600 gallons of propane. The pre-buy price is $1.699 per gallon right now. If I were able to buy 600 gallons right now the heating season would be just over $1,000. I have $600 of that saved. Could you help me with the other $400?
It would take me a little while, but I could pay you back whatever you give me. I feel bad asking, but I also know that I would have peace of mind with not expecting huge heating bills over the winter. If you are not able to I understand. I will write a check from the home equity line of credit if I have to.
The gentleman from Heating Co. is sending me a contract. So, there is a little while before you have to let me know.
Thank you for thinking this over.
What does everybody think? Is this ok? Have I kept it strictly business and not put pressure on him? I tried to give him an out, show I had a backup plan, in case he says no.
I know he has said more than once he is here if I need help and expressed admiration that I have been doing so well with covering everything.
After this past weekend I'm nervous about it.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
"H, I have decided to pre-pay the propane for the upcoming heating season. I have half of the cost saved and need the other half in order fulfill the contract. Can I count on you for that other half by September 15th? I appreciate knowing as soon as possible so I can make other arrangements if I can't count on you. Thanks, Wifey"
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
Bridge. I would normally agree that fewer words are better. But, my H is absolutely anal about financial details. He needs to know the what, the why, how it is calculated - details, details, details.
Other than the length/wordiness - is it just business?
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Then let him ask you for those details... not your problem he's anal about it.
What you need to know up front is: Is he willing to even consider giving you the cash?
If he is then.. the details become necessary for that business transaction to take place.
Yes, it's business, but also a chance to build trust & show him you can continue to deal with the details.
You have the details, you understand the nuances, you have a back-up plan.. he doesn't need to know all that up front to give you an answer to the first question. He may choose...
Yes, not a problem.. what are the details? (as in how much?) Maybe, what are the details? Nope, sucks to be Wifey.
Good luck! Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
I've decided to pre-buy the propane for our heating season. Would you be able to help me with this? I have the majority of the money saved. Please let me know.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
