Sandi and C-Bart make good points. There are different levels of detachment. What you need is to detach from her bad moods, as C-Bart recommends, but stay involved for the times she does open up or feel friendly. She is frightened of Retrouvaille too. No one knows what to expect there. And people are afraid of being vulnerable with a spouse who has hurt them in the past. You and she are in the same boat. You just need to learn to row in the same direction.
