What does he want?

[cantbreathe]

I so miss him being affectionate. I know it will take time and I am not mentioning it to him. He has always touched me a lot, you know a hand on the back, arm resting on my leg, etc. Basically if he can reach, he'll touch me. He's also never turned me down for sex before this.

I miss all of it so much. I know he knows. He hasn't been able to touch me since he got home after the kiss. There's been moments here and there, but not even more than a peck for a kiss yet. I know it is too soon. I know he has to deal with his feelings. When we talked the other night, he asked why I would want him to touch me if I think somethings going on. I told him I wouldn't. That I trust him and what he told me and that's why I want him to touch me, that I think it'd help. I'm just frustrated and lonely. I think it'd be very healing for us. I know it would make me feel like it's truly behind us. I want him to say he loves me consistently. I think he knows he does, but again, waiting.

Just venting. I can't say it to him. I know it will take time. This morning he kissed me goodbye and rested is hand on me for a moment when he did. So small, but he's been careful to barely touch me before. Just that little bit helped.