You all pose good questions and considerations. I think I am just getting frustrated because I feel this has dragged on for so long, and am tired of being in limbo. I miss my H and my best friend, at the same time I am starting to feel that if this is going to end (not that I want it to) why drag it out forever? That has what's been prompting me to want to take a more firm stand lately, I think. I think it's hard for me to 'move on' while still married and in limbo (even though he's told me 'he's done'). Although I have decided to stay in Boston near-term, it's not where I will stay if we officially end...so it's making me think about "should I think about moving before this ends, should I wait.." Moving across the country is a huge step, so in some ways I do feel like I am waiting to see how my marriage pans out, but that is not really moving on and letting go, perhaps. (and it might make it easier for him to continue to ignore me indefinitely). I'm trying to move on for now while I'm here, but it's hard b/c I came here for him in the first place. I go to CA a lot b/c it's more 'my turf' but of course I'd rather stay here w him. The whole moving thing just feels very limbo for me as well.
How would the girl he met handle this? Good question. I think (at least looking at who I was at the time) i'd have an attitude of 'no biggie' and feeling like I didn't need him, I have other options, and I'm not looking for anything serious now (at the time I was not, then got to know him and friendship grew to more), maybe just wanted to have fun. I wasn't that into him in the very beginning, so in some ways that was also a criticism of me, though...that i was selfish or thought i was too good for him, or whatever. So I'd have to combine the best of what I was then w the lessons I've learned now. There are consequences to what I've said and done over the years so I don't know that he'd ever look past those, even if I was more like the girl he met years ago.
And then the dating question. I have a couple people who've said they want to set me up w friends. My cousin wants me to visit her in London and have a party so I can meet their mutual friends...all that would be in line w GAL and would be fun, but feels weird nonetheless.
I get the controlling/pursuing thing. Truth be told, maybe it sounds like I am here b/c I'm often considering 'do i do this, or that...' but i havent reached out to him, called, emailed in close to 4 months unless it's to answer a question...so I really don't feel like I've been pursuing him - I've kinda just let him go (although I admit the talks often turn to R b/c I get teary when he asks how i'm doing...and then I take us down that path...this I will stop).
Does that answer questions? The girl he met was confident, fun, interesting, easygoing, up for anything (but I was also going through a health issue at the time and there was part of him i think that liked being my 'provider' then - he carried my books to class and heavy bags). I'm trying to make myself better for me, I truly am, but if there is OW I just may not be able to compete with that at all.
My H avoids conflict too (as said many issues he never brought up in our marriage), and I do not want this to drag out forever (either way it goes) so maybe I'm just getting tired of it and feel like I don't want to wait around. That's the challenge, I know I should NOT and am trying to get on w my life, at the time time mentally it's kinda hard to when it's still not really done. One of my friends asked me "will it be hard for you to move on/move/date others when/if it's not yet officially over" and I think that's what I struggle with...wanting to move on and 'let go' of him, but it's hard when we're still legally married I guess. Maybe I should just in my mind pretend we are D? Weird stuff...all around, one day at a time, I guess.
