Nell, it is a little different at the beginning (you are in stage one- reducing negative feelings) to when you are in our sitches further on in. Our h's were so unresponsive for so long and we have worked so hard in building these friendships (stage 2) that it is hard to find the balance as we don't want to go backwards. The thing that I am finding is that it is hard to push through to the next stage where our h's are making active effort with us.
I think you have probably left enough time elapse now Cas. You could try something like
'Lets look at it when you are next over'. And bat it back to him. Let him ask you for the bookshelf and then you can say yes or no.
