so what do i do then just keep doing what im doing i guess huh?
Basically, yes. If your W appears to be crying out for someone to rescue her, you have to ask yourself if you were to step in would that ultimately cause more harm than good.
Just to back-track a little: the hardest thing to realize is that each of us really does not have the ability to control another person. Influence, maybe. Control, no. Not without causing harm to one or both parties. The best we can do is to control ourselves (and often times many people screw that up too).
We have no reasonable right to presume to control another person's life when we cannot control our own. And yet that is precisely what many "control-freaks" (like my xW) presume to do. They avoid facing their lack of self-control by re-focusing on their own attempts to control others.
(This is a lesson for anyone of us, and all of us, to learn. I am referring to your W's hang-ups, but see that you do not fall prey to that as well.)
So, instead, focus on what you can control, yourself, and continue with your own life. If your W has removed herself from your purview through her actions and is unrepentant of those actions, then there really is nothing you can or should do at this point, but to continue onward for your sake and for your family's sake. You need to be concerned for your children first and foremost now; your W has, through her actions, relegated her own self far lower down in your priorities.
This is a sad and difficult predicament, one requiring a lot of serious thought -- especially since it sounds like you are still at the point where you do not know how you stand regarding her. For my own self and my viewpoint, I whole-heartedly believe in kindness and mercy where warranted, but not at the expense of the innocent.
