Just wanted to pop in here and see how you were. You haven't posted in a week or so. Is there something wrong? Ok...that was an attempt to make you laugh. Come on..it was a wee bit funny. See, I watch my H and read about people like your W and I am starting to see the obsurdity in them and it is sooo obsurd that it's almost comical. They are so into themselves and their power trip that the things they do and say that are so hurtful and horrible simply don't register with them.
I don't know why I think this but I think your wife wants her cake and eat it too. I think that she thinks she can lead this double life and it's ok. Mine wanted to and that's where I had to learn to detach. I was not able to tell him to leave because I really felt that I had a chance if he was still in the home. But I did tell him we were not going to finance him leaving our home.
I just got up and out of bed and came on line because laying next to a man that acts like I'm his best friend is just not ok wtih me tonight. I know I am light years away from him saying "I want a divorce" but tonight I wanted him so badly that I could've jumped out of my skin. But I know that I can't come on to him or touch him. He kisses me good bye every morning like you would your sister and thats about as much contact as we have. Last week we were mating like rabbits..this week, I'm smothering him. The rollercoaste is insane..but only I can control the way he effects me. Already, by posting this to you, I"m calmer and more level headed and know I can go back upstairs, get into bed, not touch him and know that I've had a personal victory. I try to look at everything from the standpoint of "am I behaving in a way that respects the person I am". I also know that I'm in this for the long haul. I know it in my bones.
I know how hard it is for you right now and I really wish I had some magic phrase for you to latch on to that will help you through this. Please just know that I'm thinking about you and praying for you and the boys. Love the, love yourself...take good care. Blessings...Gina
M 43 H 34 D 4 H asked for D on 6/21/09:1st D mediation 7/27;D says he wants to try 8/18; *I will stumble, I will fall down but I will not be moved.(N.Grant)
