Just want my H back

[Deep]

Man, I gotta say, are all Ms so different and yet the same? One thing that keeps striking chords in me is how much sitchs have the same features / background in so many diverse threads here.

H and Gina, I read about what you wrote about your Hs and in a way can identify with how they feel, except obviously in my case it was my W who went running into lala land. One of my W's frustrations with me was how she would want to run things exactly her way and never understood how I felt when she cut me down for even little decisions. One of the major push majors the month she went into her A was she felt I just dumped our house moving and renovations to her 100%, even down to calling her during important meetings to confirm where to place light switches etc. "Can't you be adult enough to decide ANYTHING?" was her reaction. Truth was - and this is hard to say - I was in fear of her reaction if I got it 1 inch wrong.

And yeah, she came from a much higher social and financial background than I did. Her dad threw her out of the house when he found out we were dating in our 5th year together and we broke up briefly then.

About 1+ year before her WAW mode, I did freak out, the years of unresolved issues, frustration, and yes non-existent sex life wore me down. She was shocked at my outburst, and even thought it was a prelude to a D speech by me. I reassured her, worked on controlling myself, but although I never intended anything drastic, the issues were swept under the carpet. Well, fast forward 18 months or so, and she handled her own frustrations in a way that led me here (eventually).

The stuff that you mentioned, hhh, my W said to me during our post-A healing. How it was not the career debacle I went through that hurt her, but how I handled it, how she did not know she was looking and acting down to me, how she was proud of me in some ways. (this was before she lost all respect for me leading to the A). But I honestly did not feel one iota of that, and looking back sometimes, I can understand at least some of how that could have driven a H to be wayward.

This is just an opinion that could be dead wrong, but if (a big if) there is no OW, in his current mind state, what is construed as pursuit would be a reinforcement of the very control and "contempt" he feels you had for him that drove him away. Sure, you do deserve better than his current behaviour, and you should GAL, but perhaps this is a consideration. As Stronger puts it, you can look at the girl you were when he fell in love with you, but perhaps the same girl that now recognises the disconnect over control and respect issues in your M.

Afterall, GAL involves working on areas that could have room for improvement in your life, for yourself. That should hopefully, be a signal for him to want to return. Although his dissatisfaction may have delusional parts that are only in his mind, showing that your are working to be better hhh who would be a better W wouldn't hurt perhaps?