What does he want?

[cantbreathe]

It was a pretty good night. I felt calm and relaxed and it helped so much. I tried to act completely normal and overall it was. He was not very affectionate with me, but was smiling and talking. Didn't pull away if I touched his hair or arm. He texted me a couple times today to update me on when he'd be home. Gave me a kiss goodnight and might, just might, have said love you too. It was hard to tell as he was walking away.

We had a couple moments when he started to be a little jerky and I just ignored it. They faded rather quickly without me engaging. I think he was a little tense, but I ignored it. In all likihood he was waiting for me to bring it up or bitch. Finally - he was mistaken. I let him be when he went to bed early and I am here. Hanging out on the computer and watching tv just like I would have pre-bomb.

For myself, I colored my hair today and took a long hot shower and used some good smelling lotion before he came home. Helped me relax and maybe he noticed? Either way, good for me.

I feel much less anxious today. We even discussed where we should go for dinner with friends on Saturday. I need to keep the momentum up. I think though that he thinks I'm being too nice to him. I think that maybe I haven't been nice enough for a long while and it's something I want to change. I want him to know that I value him. I'm not going overboard and I'm not kissing his butt. Just acting better myself.