Dreams of a New Normal...

[aliveandkicking]

"Mon dieu! Eef Ah can get zee Ecks a'hoo-ked up wis ze Job, zen Ah doonat have to pay zee alee-moan-eee! Zoot alors! D'accord!"

Wow, you sound just like him.

[aliveandkicking]

Ok robx, what do you have a life or something?

[aliveandkicking]

Robx- poured my guts out about a page ago, when you get a chance, please take a look.

Last night H and I discussed our coming discussion about the stuff of which neither of us are willing to just outright discuss ($$, divorce, my moving with the kids)...I got off the phone and called a friend and sobbed which surprised me but was okay. I am so prepared but still my kids are going to be so heart broken because they are hoping H will come back.

So, I cried and then I moved on. I was reminded that even though I am doing well, I'm not going to slide through divorce (or whatever this is) without some pain.

Lick wound, get back up, keep going.

[tristan]

I'm sorry that it still hurts. It's hard to imagine going through 9 months of this, but I guess I need to prepare for it. Hope the discussion turns out well for you. Good luck.

[aliveandkicking]

Thanks. The good news is that I cried and I moved on. I am not tormented.

Like life in general, you really need to be prepared for anything, right?

[RedSoxFan]

Anyway, that's a start.

A&K,

I completely missed this yesterday. I read this and it is uncanny how many things are similar to my sitch. I spent 5 years running my own agency somewhat successful then tanked when the bubble burst. W was there for me without question. Similarities, on and on and on. It makes me sad because I see her in your situation but it also gives me hope for both of us because I know my eyes are open now and if I can do it, so can he. As I watch you processing things I think that someday W may be able to start on a path of reconciliation with me. I know we have to take care of ourselves, detach and move forward but I have hope for both of us even though I cant see exactly what the future will look like.

[aliveandkicking]

RSF- The sad part is that my window is still open and my expectations are pretty low. But, he's no where near "there". Although, how the hell do I know where he is? Maybe he's sh*tting his pants as the lease is ending and we have to actually take the next steps.

It is said- "Believe nothing you hear and only half of what you see." I seem to forget this every time I talk to him...

[aliveandkicking]

Was it entertainment agency? Lalaland?

[RedSoxFan]

Although, how the hell do I know where he is?

You have *no* idea where he is. No one, including myself, would have believed I could be where I am today. Huge change is possible. I'm proof of that.

Still, timing is everything. So we take care of ourselves, own our part and put the rest in some bigger hands. Right?

[RedSoxFan]

You know, there's one other thing that comes to mind. I don't know that much about narcissism but I do know that one thing I'm not completely in touch with yet is how much I have NOT forgiven myself for all the hurt I've caused W. I think that lack of forgiveness gets projected out, can turn into blame, and convincing oneself of all sorts of things like self importance, etc. I think it can also stand in the way of asking for forgiveness from others. I've asked for forgiveness and kind of forgiven myself but not really all the way (this whole deep feelings thing is brand new to me, can you tell?). Anyway, it sure seems like its hard and I can see how so many people may not even be able to see it well enough to figure out how to get past it. Does that make sense?

BTW. What does it say about me when I keep using myself as an example....YIKES...LOL!