Help - Husband in MLC

[SDFoundGirl]

Detaching means letting go of any notion that you can control anybody but yourself. It means focusing on changing what you can change (yourself, how you feel, what you do) instead of other people.

It's understanding that no one and nothing else is the source of our happiness. WE alone are responsible for our happiness. If that's true, then it's a little crazy to allow our moods to be impacted by the choices of other people. Their choices are their business, and they have no responsibility to act in a way that is pleasing to us.

Of course we would like our spouse to choose differently, but ultimately, it's their choice to make...and we can STILL be happy in spite of them.

So, to detach, start putting the attention on yourself. What goals do you have for yourself? What do you want to learn or get better at? What work do YOU need to do to improve your half of the R? Your H is going to spin for some time, and there's nothing you can do except take care of yourself.

As for the laundry, there's no reason not to do it...within reason. If you are going to be busy and not get to it, you might want to let H know so he can handle it. If you have time and are doing your own load, then add it in...no biggie, right? And if you don't get to the ironing, that's okay too. But not out of spite or principle...not at this point anyway...more circumstantial.

For example, I used to always make dinner. If I was home and H was home, I'd offer to make enough for him. If I was gone, it was his problem to deal with. And I was gone a lot...I made a point of keeping myself busy with GAL and IC.

Detachment is a tool for even after you've reconciled and are back to having wild monkey sex in the foyer. It lets us let others be who they are instead of trying to control their actions to please us.

SD