Even if you did find out "why", it would probably be a bullsh!t explanation anyway.
Your w will not stop this insanity until you put your foot down. How long are you willing to be her whipping boy? Do you really like living like this?
What would be so wrong with simply stating, "Look, we both did things we regret and I have forgiven you. But, if you can't forgive me, then WE ARE DONE!"
As someone said in my thread, it's an insane double standard. I held out for my WAW for a long time. Even after she announced her engagement to her OM, I stood true. Finally one day, I caved, I gave up, I figured she's not coming back, and let myself get involved with someone. We had but a few weeks left to be D'd and XW showed no signs of wanting to fix anything but destroy me.
Now, 3 months post divorce?
"We can't be friends, we can't fix anything" because I moved on. But yet, she can be engaged now for 10 months, 8 of which she was still married to me, but heaven forbid I made the transformation from LBS to WAS.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Hmmmm.....well the closest I can come to your sitch isn't really close at all, but, here goes:
I dated and had sex with my first xh (five years after our D) while I was dating my second xh who was dating and having sex with someone else.
So second xh and I get together for real and were married for 12 years. And neither of us beat the other one up for anything so ridiculous as......
ok, so it's not at all like your sitch. Sorry. But I am sure that your sitch happens a lot.
May I ask if either you or your w ever grilled one another about past lovers? I never did and neither did either of my exes. It would have been unseemly to discuss gory details.
I will never understand people who feel the need to shame their loved one about things that happened before they were a couple. Sickening!!
Even if you did find out "why", it would probably be a bullsh!t explanation anyway.
Your w will not stop this insanity until you put your foot down. How long are you willing to be her whipping boy? Do you really like living like this?
What would be so wrong with simply stating, "Look, we both did things we regret and I have forgiven you. But, if you can't forgive me, then WE ARE DONE!"
Then go pitch black.
Yep!
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
