Thanks for the advice but I need to explain more. First, I've read both of Michelle's divorce books. That's how I found the site.
Wife and I talked again tonight. The OM decided he wants to try to work on things with his wife and has left my wife and the affair. He still wants to be "friends" but his wife is trying to prevent all contact. The problem is that he WON'T break fully from my wife. He's trying to hold on to her in case his sitch with his own wife and family doesn't work out. Selfish bum!!
Anyway....my wife keeps saying she WILL stay with me if he leaves her but will "never be happy." She says that she's totally in love with this guy and we could never have the same thing even if she and I get back what we had. (Oh yeah....it hurts worse than anything!!)
She's been in the relationship for 4 years. The first 2 were as friends and they got slowly closer and about 2 1/2 years ago it went to the level it's at now.
With the limited contact they've had, I can't see how she could be truly in love with this idiot. I think she's just "in love" with the way he makes her feel because he's playing her like a grand piano.
My fear is that when he finally pull away (or she give him the "it's me or your wife" speech and he stays with the wife) she will come back to me but it will never be happy for her.
I believe she can overcome the feelings she has toward him but I'm not a woman so I don't understand them.
I love my wife with all my heart and soul. I never believed I'd ever be able to forgive an affair but I'm ready to do it if she's willing to come back. But I don't want to stay in a relationship where she's always thinking of someone else and how much she'd have rather been with him. THAT is just too painful.
